We Are Not In Montreal Anymore Toto …


It’s a strange feeling.

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For the past ‘what seems like ever’ – the city of Montreal has not had very many grey areas when it comes to Le Club de Hockey Canadien. Or – as they have become know; the eHabs …. ( as in commerce ).

In the media, in the streets, in the pubs and in living rooms all across the world, it has either been ranting over the fact they are good or ( more times than the latter) very, very bad …

Suddenly, it is calm in Montreal. No one really knows what to do. No one really understands this club that takes to la glace these days. They (the team) are looking for an identity. The fans are looking also. What team do they cheer for? Who are these guys that take our money?

Is it the team which appeared almost too easily to beat the New Jersey Devils? A squad which is first in the Eastern Conference. Or – is it the silly bunch of skaters who appeared like deer in the headlights when those noted champions – The Toronto Maple Leafs arrived at Le Centre Bell for what turned into a game of shinny …?

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Marc Bergevin don’t know. Michel Therrien don’t know. The dude who waved hello to Eddy Palchak for sixteen years every morning on his way to work don’t know. They are a team which seem sound. For now …

Something will happen.

What? A betting man who loves the underdog won’t bet on the team winning a Stanley Cup nor will the same man’s hooker girlfriend allow him to bet the other way. An implosion is due. An explosion imminent.

Will the eHabs skate out against The Mighty Bruins and spank the Bostonian’s monkeys with goals and fists? Perhaps the destruction will take place as Michel ( aka Rodney Dangerfield) Therrien loses control of his ‘I have a second chance demeanor’ and tosses P.K Subban into the penalty box with his non – ringed hands. Any hockey man knows a Therrien meltdown is coming. It’s a matter of time.

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Will it be just as the eHabs discover themselves on the crease of victory or will it be just before Tomas Kaberle flings a four million dollar water bottle at Madame Therrien’s son’s French Canadian head? Pressing questions for serious Montreal hockey questions.

The eHabs will find out who they are. The fans will find out as well. Therrien?

Guy Carbonneau can let him in on things once the eHabs stop playing hockey in 2013.

With or without a Stanley Cup ring blocking  his ears …

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And Then There was One …


Wow … !

What a season it has been …

Starting in the pre – season , things did not appear happy in Hab – land. A losing record to start the season to go along with a losing record as the season progressed.

Assistant coaches let go , head coaches fired and newly – appointed coaches dismissed before they started to coach . A veteran presence traded for a veteran potato head and a diva dismissed to a vacant hotel – during the course of a game , no less.

A pre – deadline deal sending a giant for a bloodline by the name of Geoffrion. A Russian exodus to a Stanley Cup contender in return for a return to sender. For the love of Mary – has anyone checked on the health of Youppi … ? Following the death of Gary Carter , the poor mascot must be suffering from the shakes …

It has been – that type of year .

Oh and …

All this with Andrei Markov and his missing knee. At one point , the Habs’ doctors , the Habs’ brass and the Habs themselves knew not where their defenceman was … Let us give the Russian the benefit of the doubt here . With all the pollution that circled the club like a Toronto Maple Leaf cloud – Andrei got going while the going was bad ! ?

An AWOL amongst the AWOL …

The Last Supper

On Saturday , April 7 – 2012 – the Montreal Canadiens will play the final game of their season. A game which finds their opponents , the Maple Leafs , above them in the standings. Not that this says much of the Toronto team as they held a playoff spot not that long ago. Think of the Boston Red Sox of last season , add a few skates and less pine tar – voila … ! I give you the bunch that Brian Burke broke …

Les Canadiens are better off than a Leaf team that arrives limping into town. Montreal has better goaltending , better defence and … um … how about those Cubs ?

In reality , Montreal and Toronto are in different sorts of messes . The Habs need secondary  scoring and the Leafs need some people to stop the opposition’s secondary line from scoring. Heck – the Leafs require someone to stop the opposition’s water boy from scoring !

As the puck drops , visions of top picks in the lottery will be dancing in the eyes of Brian Burke and ( insert name here ). The draft lottery is on Tuesday . Unless a miracle ensues and the Montreal consortium of Savard / Molson hires a fit G.M before – all indications point to a Savardian – spin on things as the season ebbs into spring.

Brian Burke should be looking for goaltending as James Reimer and Jonas Gustavsson have proven the team would be better off with a one – legged and in turn , a one – padded goalie protecting the Toronto twine. Then again – it is Brian Burke. Only the blue and white hamster that rides the wheel inside of Burke’s head is aware of how the man thinks  ( or doesn’t ).

The tandem of Savard and Molson , on the other skate – should be looking at a forward. Forget the past and a collection of first round defencemen that would make Doug Harvey proud. If Bobby Orr‘s second cousin is available , great ! Pass him by boys and let Burke bring him on a boat ride on Lake Ontario to sign him. Twenty years of defensive picks in Montreal have proven that Stanley is fed up ! Stanley adored Lafleur – not Komisarek !

The Leafs and the Habs will be skating on  a Saturday soiree for the final time this season.

The next time we see the two teams compete against one another – it will be different . A guy with the name of Yakupov may streak down the right wing at the Bell Center , elude Leaf Captain Dion Phaneuf with a quick inside – outside move and then rifle a quick snap-shot toward the Toronto net. Suddenly , out of nowhere – a glove grabs the puck like a frog’ s tongue trapping a fly.

The glove may belong to a goalie with the name  Subban …

Wow … !

What a season that would be …

Tuesday Tid-bits ( not to be confused with TimBits )


All good things must come to an end – which does not explain why the Montreal Canadiens‘ season will conclude three games from now …

Add Carey Price to the list of concusses and you have a Montreal club that will lead the league in man games lost to injury ( Good thing Kaberle is not a man or it would be more).No excuses yet one must wonder a little bit if the Canadiens remained healthy , would Gauthier still be sitting at his bleu , blanc et rouge desk in Vermont instead of the oaken one he is hiding under ?

Enough about ghosts…

In Tampa last night – Alex Ovechkin was outplayed once more by another team’s sniper. This time it was Steve Stamkos who out – rushed the Russian. Stamkos netted his 57th and 58th goal of the season as the Bolts zapped the Capitals chances of nailing down the eight and final playoff spot in the East for another game or two. Since Ovechkin is best buddies with Markov – wouldn’t it be nice to see Alexander the Great resurrect his career in Montreal ? Just sayin …

Following the fiasco in Philly , Dan Bylsma‘s gotta be a bit worried if the Flyers and Pens meet in the playoffs.

First – Mike Milbury said that Bylsma should ‘ lift up his skirt ‘ and go after Philly coach Laviolette . Second – the Flyers’are kinda mad that Briere is out of the line – up , possibly for the beginning of the first round thanks to a last minute hit by Vitale. Sid the Kid would be the prime target of the Flyers , especially if Mike Milbury’s words are heard ;

“So you know, Crosby gets cross-checked, big whoop. He said after he came back from his 35th concussion, ‘I’m not going to do this anymore, I’m not going to get into this scrums, I’m going to stay away from that stuff.’ He couldn’t help himself because there’s a little punk in Crosby. He’s not the perfect gentleman. He’s not the sweet kid you see in interviews with his hat pulled down over his eyes. I’d say screw him, hit him,

” How old is Milbury and can he still skate …?” The Flyers must be wondering …

If the Florida Panthers beat the Jets on Tuesday , they can clinch a playoff spot for the first time since 2000. Lucky for the Panthers and their fans – Jeffrey Loria and David Samson can be tossed on the ice like the big rats they are …

Heard from a friend dep’t ; Dion Phaneuf was vacationing with girlfriend Elissa Cuthbert last year(must have been early April ) in Cancun. My buddy started talking to Cuthbert about Montreal since she is from the city. The pair were laughing and joking when Phaneuf got a little into my pal’s face ; ” Do you know who I am … And who are you ?” Screamed Phaneuf. ” I make more money than everyone here !” It did not take long before Phaneuf was asked to leave . No word if my buddy got sloppy seconds …

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Tuesday Tid – Bits ( not to be confused with TimBits )


As the post – season nears faster than Chevy Chase on a National Lampoon sled , the teams in Bettman’s wonderful world are jousting for many positions.

Let us take out our binoculars , put on the sun block and get prepared for what should be a wild spring in the NHL … Shall we ?

-The Toronto Maple Leafs play the Hurricanes tonight in a game where winner takes all.
All , in the case of both squads , is having a chance to stay in the playoff hunt . Newly appointed Leaf coach Randy Carlyle gave a ‘ win for pide , win for passion ‘ speech after practice today . Basically a ‘ win one for the Gipper ‘ kind of speech . Once his inspired talk was finished , captain Dion Phaneuf responded ; ” And you are …?”

Ron Wilson - No longer alone ... ?

– In the Wild West ; Detroit has a 65 percent chance of finishing fourth and a 30 percent chance of finishing fifth . Nashville , on the other glove ; has a 31 percent chance of finishing fourth and a 61 percent chance of finishing fifth. What does all this mean ? There is a 100 percent chance Detroit will be facing Nashville in a first round series . It also means that 100 percent of statisticians will be right 1 percent of the time … Speaking in percentages of course …

– The Minnesota Wild’s disappointing season is ending with their fourth leading goal
scorer , Matt Cullen , missing his team’s final games as he is entering hospital to have surgery on a broken finger. Cullen is not sure if he will be able to hold both hands in the air as he screams ; ” We’re number 13! ” He promises to try his best …

– As the Washington Capitals attempt to hold on to eight spot – rookie net minder Braden Holtby gets the start tonight against the red – hot Sabres. “It’s a big game but at the same time it’s just another one,” said Holtby who is 2-1-1 for the Capitals this season, including a 3-0 shutout over Minnesota on Sunday. “It counts as two points, just like all the others do. You’ve got to go into it with that mindset, but there will be a little extra motivation to have the team going and get a win.” You gotta give the guy credit for knowing what time of the year it is . You also have to give his parents credit for letting him be a goaltender and not a neurosurgeon …

-The Vancouver Canucks are being bitten by the concussion bug this year . Daniel Sedin is the recent victim as he joins defenceman Keith Ballard who has been sidelined since Jan . 8th. “I had a lot of different stuff,” Ballard told the Vancouver Sun. “I had dizziness and a lot of headaches during the day. I was sleeping 16-18 hours a day and, when I tried to do some light workouts, I ended up getting real sick and I’d be in bed for four days …” Geez – Ballard ‘s comments sound like a healthy Tomas Kaberle to me ….

– The Colorado Avalanche have slid from great heights and Denver Post columnist Adrian Dater went on to call Stastny’s performance against the Sharks “particularly odious”. When informed of Dater’s comments , Stastny replied ; ” I don’t understand – I use deodorant every day !”

As for the Montreal Canadiens … ?

They are taking on the Panthers tonight in what will be the first game of the season for half the boys … Better late than never !

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Monday Morning Q – Tip


Since there are no Stanley Cup rings blocking Hab fans’ ears …

It is time for Montrealers to remove their heads from the sands of Nuns Island. Yes Virginia – there is hockey being played outside of Montreal !

Let us gander around the league and discover the good , the bad , and the ugly in Bettman’s band of merry millionaires …

– In St . Louis , Jaroslav ( the Fairview mall rat ) Halak and Brian ( E.T ) Elliot have broken the Blues ‘ single season shut – out record. Glen Hall and Jacques Plante held the previous highest total of thirteen. Halak and Elliot surpassed the total by posting back to back shut – outs over the weekend. In related news – Gauthier upped his dose of daily anti – anxiety pills to fourteen , matching the Blues ‘ goalies season total.

– The Anaheim Ducks lost to the Bruins in California last night 3 – 2 . A Duck goal was called back in the third period when the refs judged that a Duck was in the crease. Anaheim coach Bruce Boudreau was incensed with the call .”If people are going to call the ice surface a pond … ” Screamed the Duck coach . ” Then there will be ducks in the crease ! ”

– The Wild have been officially dismissed from the playoffs. They have become the first team in the history of the league to go from first place in December to a post – season golf game. The Toronto Maple Leafs have officially let go of the Wild player’s skates …

– The Jets’ luck seems to have run out as they attempt to make the playoffs. Forward Brian( chicken) Little , was helped off the ice In the third period Saturday during Winnipeg’s loss to the Predators. Little has been red – hot of late while his teammates have cooled in the scoring department. The good news for people from the Peg ? An elimination from playoff contention leaves the team ‘s logo free to be used in curling matches …

– Andrei ( huh ? We are playing hockey today ?) Kostitsyn scored the game winning goal Sunday as the Predators passed Detroit in the standings. Six different players marked for Nashville which prompted the following remark from former Hab and current Predator Hal Gill ” It has been three years since six of my teammates have scored goals !”

– It appears that after two disappointing playoff exits – the Washington Capitals or , more precisely , Alex Ovechkin have finally learned something. Ovechkin has 9 goals in his last five games.Alexander the Great may have realized the regular season does not mean Dick Duff! If this is the case – teams in the east better watch out ! Ovechkin’s only hurdle ? A certain Halak in St. Louis could leave Ovechkin ‘ shakin ‘ …

Congratulations to Erik Cole on scoring the fastest hat trick in Habs ‘ history from the start of a game ! The three goals in under six minutes was the most goals scored by a Montreal Canadien since the entire team netted three in sixty games !

Stay tuned for the playoffs ! Le Forum de Montreal will have a Bruins’ fan giving his analysis of Boston’s demise … ER , I mean … Drive for two Cups ! Should be fun hearing from someone with five Stanley Cup experiences to draw from …

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The Best of Le Forum de Montreal


Montreal lost to Toronto …

Not because the Maple Leafs are more talented than the Habs. The Habs lost because Randy Carlyle beat Randy Cunneyworth with experience. When push came to shove in the final period – Carlyle’s decisions proved quicker and more efficient. Another sign the Habs need a coach.

That said …

In the past few months, my readership has doubled on this site. A fact that leaves me grateful as I attempt to discover employment as a writer on the Habs.

I am including links to what I think are the best stories I have written. If you have read them – I appreciate your patience. If not – I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoy writing them !

Without further ado …

Here is The Best of Le Forum de Montreal …

Kid Mercury Toots his Own Horn

Ned Braden and the 1993 Stanley Cup Finals

Thank You Mr. Carter

The Thomas – Crown Affair aka the Jack Todd Incident

A Whisper to a Scream

Trade Deadline Update

What do Jeff White and Phil Collns have in Common

Top Ten Places to Send Scott Gomez

Dick Irvin – Not his Father’s Son

Thousands go Shopping for a Halak

Top Ten Signs Rene Bouque is Ready to Rumble !

Where are the now ? Part One 

Where are they now ? Part Two

Where are they now ? Part Three

Where are the now? Part Four

Four Score and Six Years Ago

Top Ten Reasons Hal Gill will be Missed

The Father, the Son and the Holy Grail

Habs Should Give Up

Top Ten Scariest Moments in Montreal Canadiens’ History

A Christmas Gift

Turning French

Yes Francesca – There is a Santa Claus

Top Ten Signs the Habs are in Florida

Habs Trade Spacek for Kaberle – Covering cancer with a Band – aid

Do Not Pull a Boom Boom

Funeral for a Friend

Guy Lafleur’s Brush with Greatness

Keene Sweepings

Top Ten Reasons Plekanec and Subban got into a Fight

The Coach with the Killer Instinct

Craig Ludwig and the Woman with One Boob

Scott Gomez is Hurt ( and Ghaddafi Does not Feel so Good Himself).

Top Ten Reasons Lars Eller ‘s Four Goal Night inflated his Ego

Team 990 Drops the Puck with Marinaro on Board

Should the Habs Retire Koivu’s Number ?

Don Cherry ; Listen to your Grandfather

My Nephew, Chris Nilan and the Truth

Top Ten Signs GM Gauthier is on the Ball.

If you would like to advertise on my site and reach 3,000 potential customers – contact me at keenerick@hotmail.com

If you would like to help me gain employment and you know editors of magazines or newspapers  – send this link for me ! I would appreciate it ….

Thank You !

Sincerely,

Rick Keene

Trade with Purpose …


As the day ends and the night draws near – The Montreal Canadiens will play the Florida Panthers at 5 pm tonight in Florida. When the team returns home to play the Wild ( after a game against Tampa ) on March 1 , who will be skating for the Habs and who will not …?

If the team decides to rid themselves of Kostisyn and / or  Plekanec , they would be better off if a master plan was in effect. Or else – the team will be spinning their skates and end up in the exact position next year.

All indications appear that the team is now going for a top pick in the lottery. How else can the current three game skid be explained ? At the start of the week – the Habs were six points behind the Toronto Maple Leafs for the final play-off spot. Losing to the Devils , the Stars and the Capitals and being out-scored 10 – 3 in the process, is not an indication of a hungry team.

If Molson et al have decided to re – build ( again), that is fine. Go for a first round pick in next season’s draft. It has been a long time since the Habs’s faithful have had something to be excited about. Add that player to the roster that contains bright young stars such as Subban, Leblanc, Tinordi, Diaz and Emelin. A vase in which to place the flowers in the organization that have yet to bloom …

Alter the club all you want fellas – please have a game plan for once …

Plekanec is willing to veto his no trade clause according to a report from Pat Hickey of the Gazette. Pleks has been a great player in Montreal – he has done everything that has been asked of him in turbulent times. Trade him if necessary yet trade him for a young -ish veteran that will compliment the rest of the youth.

Every Cup contender needs veterans to keep the ship level while the young guns learn their craft. This is the mistake Gauthier made when he failed to sign Hamrlik and Halpern and let Spacek go to Carolina for Kaberle.

Toughness

Next season – if the team goes via the way of the fountain of youth. Gionta and Cole  will be  the two veterans who will lead the young guns. If the team must trade Kostisyn and Pekanec they must upgrade to size and heart with a player who is between 25 – 30 years of age. Someone young enough and scary enough to instill some fear into opposing teams. Two elements that Kostisyn and Plekanec did not possess.

Look at all the Stanley Cup champions throughout history. The common denominator is talent , toughness and heart. The Habs have talent. Now they must trade or draft for some heart and grit.

These are the types of players that should be skating for the Habs on March 1 .

Related articles

RDS 5 – CBC 0


In Saturday night’s convincing Canadien’s win over the Maple Laffs , one can only wonder if the Toronto team was the only loser. On an evening when the all time leading scorer in Leaf history( Mats Sundin) was honored by having his number 13 raised to the rafters – it was the CBC network and Hockey Night in Canada that were the real losers.

Aside from a comical display by the Leaf organization( showing just two goals by Mats Sundin on the big screen and the rest of the time his smiling face), the game was a demonstration of how many buffoons work and call games on the once proud franchise known as Hockey Night in Canada.

Some of the lowlights from the mouths of hockey babes ;

Dion Phaneuf shoved Pacioretty from behind into the Leaf net minder.The referees blew the call and gave Max a goalie interference penalty. The announcers replayed the scene three times with Kelly Hrudey saying ” Oh ya … Clearly Pacioretty shoved Reimer and deserved the penalty! ” Hrudey’s job and the reason for showing replays is so the announcers can give an insight that a split- second referee’s call cannot. Hrudey paused briefly before the third replay – an astute viewer could tell that he knew he was wrong. Why could Kelly Hrudey not just say ; ” Oops – sorry folks , I was wrong.”

– The Leafs were on a power play in the third period and were down in the play and
scoreboard.For a ten second period of time, the Leafs had possession in the Habs’zone.Bob Cole said ; ” Well folks… It seems the Leafs have taken control of the game now …”. The power play ended and the Leafs ended up with one shot on goal.They went on to lose 5 – 0. I’ll have what Cole is smoking please …

During the entire telecast, not once did anyone in the booth say anything negative about the Leafs or anyone of the players that skate in Harold Ballard‘s shadow.Dion Phaneuf was horrible , James Reimer could not stop a bus even if he jumped in front of it and the entire Leaf offence was flatter than a rum and coke at five AM.

Les gens on RDS, the French- Canadian sports network, do not have a hard time pointing out the foibles on the Montreal team.If one of the Habs commits a foul, even if it goes unnoticed by the referee, the announcers on RDS will point it out. If the Habs as a team play awful – the guys who speak with an accent will say so.

The problem with the CBC and their flunkies is simple. Corporate ties bind the world they live in. Money has replaced common sense. A hockey game is a hockey game. One team plays better than another and wins.

It is the duty, yes duty …of the announcers on any broadcast to call the play with neutrality. A flower pot is a flower pot. An artist may see the colors that others do not and a child may see beauty where others do not. Everyone in the world sees things in different ways – whack makes the world a wonderful place.

Still – a flower pot is a flower pot and a non – penalty is a non – penalty.

Unless one happens to be wearing blue and white glasses that are part of a bonus package on CBC’s Hockey Night in Canada…

French, Gainey, Gomez and Hockey Quotes …


Les Canadiens sont ‘ all over the place ‘ …

They score they don’t score – it is a perplexing situation.

Listening to the French talk shows ( radio), all the blame of the season gone bad rests upon Mr. Bob Gainey. According to them – Gainey ( an Anglo) ruined the team by making trades that were not only bad hockey ones yet bad French ones at that.

Gainey would agree that some of the deals he made were horrible. Gomez here and Ribiero in Dallas alone were terrible. The French folks are somehow making this mess into a French – English debacle. How could we get rid of all the Quebecers? Mon dieu …!

What les French people are omitting is the reason for some of the native – Quebecer’s departure. Jose Theodore was partying too much and not being discreet about it. Pierre Dagenais and the third amigo, Mike Ribiero – ditto. Gainey had no choice to rid the team of these guys. The players he received in return – are and were busts. What GM in the league has not been burnt by players that did not live up to their potential? Out of thirty teams –
maybe Ken Holland in Detroit. That’s it – that’s all !

What the French media is also hiding is how the team got into this mess to begin with. Bob Gainey arrived as GM to a Canadien squad that was fresh off of missing the playoffs two of three years. He made them respectable again and save for this year – a playoff team. All this with Montreal teams that were snakebitten. Markov and Koivu , the team’s biggest stars – victims of the worse cases of bad luck in the NHL. Add to the mix losing the most man games to injury in 2009, Gainey’s tenure was not lucky …

Gainey took an organization that was ruined by Francophones and repaired it.

Ronald Corey ( a francophone) hired Rejean Houle ( a francophone) and Mario Tremblay ( a francophone ) to run the team. These three guys traded their star francophone and franchise player ( Patrick Roy ) away for nothing. These ‘ trois gens’ made decisions,trades and draft picks that left the team a non – playoff one for Gainey to translate into a contender. Which Gainey did even though he was dealing with personal issues ( the death of his daughter) that a person in a less stressful position would have problems dealing with.

Pierre Gauthier ( a francophone) takes over and promptly makes bad decisions. Ridding the team of two veteran defenceman ( Spacek and Hamrlik) , signing Markov to a multiple – year
deal and not having the balls to send Gomez to Hamilton. To name a few …

Star players ( francophone or not ) , do not want come and play for Montreal because of the annoying French media. Lecavalier, St.Louis and Gagne. Just three of the many francophones who would rather tan under the American soleil than bask in the Canadien’s limelight.

The French media are correct. It is a French – English thing. Now they must look in the mirror and sign up for Englsh classes. After – all , it is the Anglophones that have won the most Cups in management positions in Montreal.
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You gotta feel for Scott Gomez.

Bed Time for Bonzo ?

Carey Price is right when he says that his teammate is human and deserves encouragement right now. It is not Gomez’ fault that Sather inked him to a huge contract and Gainey took it on. Everyone down to a gas station employer would have signed a larger contract knowing well that he / she would be overpaid.

Gomez , to relieve the pressure, should come out and say publicly that he is not worth the cash and take a pay cut. Something, anything to relieve the pressure so he can enjoy the game again.
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On a lighter note …..

“Hockey is the only job I know where you get paid to have a nap on the day of the game – Chico Resch
”We take the shortest route to the puck and arrive in ill humor.” – Bobby Clarke
”You miss 100% of the shots you never take.” – Wayne Gretzky
”I don’t like hockey. I’m just good at it.” – Brett Hull
”Playing goal is like being shot at.” – Jacques Plante
”I skate to where the puck is going to be, not to where it has been.” – Wayne Gretzky
“”Half the game is mental, the other half is being mental.” – Jim Mckenny
If you’ve only got one day to live, come see the Toronto Maple Leafs. It’ll seem like forever. ” Unknown.
“I can’t hear what Jeremy is saying, my two Stanley Cup rings are blocking my ears.” Patrick Roy.
”I know my players don’t like my practices, but that’s OK because I don’t like their games.” – Harry Neale.
”Hockey is like a disease, you can’t really shake it.” – Goaltender Ken Wregget
By the age of 18, the average American has witnessed 200,000 acts of violence on television, most of them occurring during Game 1 of the NHL playoff series.  ~Steve Rushin
How would you like a job where, every time you make a mistake, a big red light goes on and 18,000 people boo?  ~Jacques Plante
Street hockey is great for kids.  It’s energetic, competitive, and skillful.  And best of all it keeps them off the street.  ~Author Unknown

English: Wayne Gretzky Drive roadsign.

Image via Wikipedia

Don’t go through life without goals.  ~Hockey Saying
All hockey players are bilingual.  They know English and profanity.  ~Gordie Howe
I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out.  ~Rodney Dangerfield
We get nose jobs all the time in the NHL, and we don’t even have to go to the hospital.  ~Brad Park
“When I was a kid, I used to pray the Lord to make me a Hockey player. But I forgot to mention the NHL, so I spent 16 years in the minors!” Don Cherry
“In Canada, you’re not a hockey player until you’ve lost some teeth.”
Andy Bathgate

Go Habs Go !

Where are they now ? Part Three


It took a while yet Le Forum de Montreal discovered some , not all –  of the players that once toiled for the Montreal Canadiens – a long,long, time ago …

The Players

Andrei Markov

The snake-bitten Russian ‘ s misfortunes continued once his skating career with Montreal was finalized. Andrei attempted a comeback in the KHL yet that attempt was foiled by an errant Kovalev slapshot that hit Markov in the same knee that was operated on. Another operation ruined his chances of ever skating again and Markov is spending his days and nights drinking vodka with Bobby Orr and watching re-runs of the 72 Summit Series

 

 

Erik Cole

Luckily for Mr. Cole – he planned for his exodus from professional hockey. Saving for many seasons – Cole quickly started his new business venture , a drag queen bar and review. Among some of the ex-NHLers sporting pink boas and matching footwear ? Sean Avery, Wendel Clarke and Tie Domi. Avery is the headliner while Domi and Clarke play second bananas to the main act. Life does imitate art -a fact that is not lost on the cross- dressing Cole.

 

 

Chris Campoli

Chris was not as lucky as Mr. Cole. After a disastrous foray into the field of acupuncture , Campoli ‘ s second attempt at business failed as well. Apparently , the Tsunami in Japan dampened the native’s zest for water skiing and ‘ Campoli’s Water Adventure and Theme Park  ‘ failed miserably. Those close to Campoli say he is doing well selling water – wings printed with the Habs logo in Omaha, Nebraska.

 

 

Josh Gorges

Devastated as the captaincy of the Canadiens slipped away – Josh sadly turned to the bottle.No intervention by his family or friends seems possible . Anytime someone approaches him , he screams ” Don’t you know who I am …? I’m the captain of the Montreal Canadiens …!” Josh can be seen outside of the bars on Bishop St. – panhandling for money. The only good thing ? ” Gorges keeps his Canadiens’ sweater dry-cleaned ” Says a source close to the family.

Tomas Kaberle

Tomas tried very hard to hook on with other teams and continue his hockey career. Try-outs in Canada, the United States, Russia, Finland, Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Poland, Germany, Japan, China, South Africa, Mexico and even his native land – Czechoslovakia all ended with the same statement ; ‘ You’ re a loser ! Get outta here …!’ Luckily for Kaberle , the Toronto Maple Leafs signed him to a fifteen year contract …

Mathieu Darche

Due to the Canadian flag tattoo on his right buttock – Darche was rejected by the Part Quebecois, thwarting his plans to help Desharnais ‘ rid the Province of the stupid English PigDogs’. Not one to give up easily , Mathieu is working as a sales clerk at the Hudson Bay Company. Says Darche ; ” I am pretty sure this company was created by English people – I’ll get to the bottom of this …!” Not surprisingly – Darche’s alumni status at McGill University has been vetoed.

Stay tuned ladies, gentlemen and Milan Lucic – the rest of the players and coaching staff will be hunted down !

In the meantime – the Hockey Writers, Habs Eye on the Prize and Knuckles will fill you with all things hockey !

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