The Habs – Same Old Song and Dance … Sorta …


Your Montreal Canadiens are off to yet another fine October start. What could possibly go wrong ?

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Last season, the Stanley Cup parade was being planned before Nov. 15th. Why not? Carey Price was Carey Price. Nothing else mattered to the powers that be. Relying on a goalie to win championships – par for the course in Montreal. Par for the course in Caddyshack perhaps ?

Then, as quick as a P.K. Subban is to lights;  the wheels, the frame, the engine, the hood – even the MP3 player fell off the Holy Grail vehicle. No one could have predicted such a disaster when Price fell to injury. Then again – no one could have predicted ‘The Donald’ would be closer to the Presidency of The United States than an poor person to a whorehouse. Hey – crazy stuff happens …

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If last season taught the management of The Montreal Canadiens one thing, no one knows what it is. That said, last year’s nosedive into Brian Fogarty territory made Bob Dylan’s lyrics eerily prophetic.

Well now what’s the use in dreaming?
You got better things to do
Dreams never did work for me anyway
Even when they did come true

Yup. Fans could sense it, management could sense it and the ghost of Eddy Palchak was singing ‘ I Feel A Change Coming On ‘ throughout the Bell Center ( aka $20.00  Hot Dog Land).

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If and when Habs management were able to pry Subban away from his day job as a car salesman, a narrative must have taken place.

Bergevin; ‘ You know we are paying you very top dollar to grow, learn and live up to your potential right?

Subban; ‘ Just a second please. My agent is on the phone …

Bergevin; ‘ We are paying you so tell your agent you will call him back. ‘

Subban; ( Hanging up the Phone) Ok. Where were we …?

Bergevin; ‘ P.K. . we need you to step up your game and lead this team as a … (Subban’s phone rings)

Subban; ‘Sorrry guys, it’s my tailor, I really need to tak …

Bergevin; ‘ Ya ..ya … It’s ok. Go do your important stuff.

 ‘The Brand’ was dismissed. 

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Not dismissed as in ‘ see you later alligator’, more like ‘ in a while crocodile’. Once the decision was made to trade ‘The Brand’  –  any tears from the Habs organization, crocodile by nature.

There is a lot of talk about Subban not fitting the scheme of the ‘old boys club’. Lots of lip about his teammates not liking him. Banter about racism playing a part in trading the team’s number one fan favorite. Blah, blah, blah …

Seldom – if at all, does anyone lay the blame right on Subban. 

Let’s put the situation into a different arena, no puck intended. If Subban was a hot lawyer on the way up. Or – perhaps, one of the best cabinet-makers on the planet. A company was so pleased to have ‘the scholar’ and signed him to a big salary just to keep him from signing with B.A.D. Wood down the road. The cabinet making company knew they were overpaying him for his lack of experience. They knew the potential and thought ( as crazy as it seems) he would repay their kindness by doing everything in his power to learn and realize his own potential. Good deal right? On Paper …?

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Wrong.

The young cabinet maker scoffed at the boss. He scoffed at his elders and he scoffed at the business. Realizing he was young and prone to errors in judgment – the company gave him a couple of years to ‘mature’. The payback? The young apprentice utilized all his energy to focus on making money outside the business. So much so – he was not welcome any longer. His chances had run out.

Hockey is a business and the Habs’ investment was not gaining interest in the proper places. For once – making money was replaced by making a hockey team once more. Subban out. Weber in.

Hockey, as priority one,  has returned to Montreal in 2016 -17.

So far …

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What Shea Weber brings to a Montreal squad is stability. Dependence. Accountability. Talent.

A guy who marches to his own drum within a marching band. Not on the sidelines with an eye to defection. A tool inside a box made for doing a job right. No breakage, no loose parts – just an old fashioned cog brought in to repair a broken down dream.

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Lars ( I have not been the same since they knocked my block off) Eller was dismissed for dismissing his job on the ice more often than a Kardashian sighting. Enter Alexander ( I used to drink Vodka) Radulov – a finesse player whose baby toe ( and liver)  is tougher than Eller. An experiment that could go wrong yet – what is worse than last season?

Enter Andrew Shaw from Chicago. A player who has the mean streak of a Robert DeNiro dissing Trump combined with Bill Clinton’s art of scoring. Add his ‘Hilary’ experience ‘lifting a Cup’ and voila – the Habs’ heart grew ten times this year …

So did their focus with the absence of  

‘ the brand ‘…

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Your Montreal Canadiens are off to an 8-0-1 start. Leading the league in points and goals against. The news is good but not new.

Somewhere – the Lord and The Devil are playing chess. The news is good but not new.

As for P.K. – he’s just doing his best …

 

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Top Ten Sticking Points in P.K Subban’s Contract Negotiations


P.K and the Habs …

Two entities further apart than Mick Jagger and Justin Bieber …

Why the delay? What’s going on dudes?

Here are the top ten problems with P.K Subban’s negotiations;

10. Bergevin won’t budge on his ‘ no money for diving’ policy.

9. Mrs. Subban, cannot – under no circumstances, go behind the bench and massage P.K ( practices or not ) !

8. IHOP not sure if pancakes can be delivered to Canada.

7. Number four not available – Bobby Orr or not!

6. Subban lied about what P.K represents. ‘Pearly Kate’ not as attractive to the paying public.

5. Bob Gainey should not have promised to pay Subban 7.5 million – at all!

4. Hooters girls from South Shore must pay their own way home!

3. P.K ‘s little toy truck not allowed on dressing room floor, regardless if it calms Pacioretty down …

2. Absolutely no Mickey Mouse Ears on the back of the Jersey!

And the number one sticking point in P.K’s contract negotiations?

1. A low high five with Carey Price is not worth ten million a year!

Top Ten Reasons why P.K Subban and Tomas Plekanec Got into a Fight


Tsk …tsk …

Boys will be boys and girls will be boys – it’s a mixed up world except for Lola …L *O*L*A … Lola ! Le..le..le..le … Lola !

Sorry – got carried away there …

Tomas Plekanec and Subban got into a brou – ha ha during practice the other day. No big deal. It happens once in a while to teams that are succesful , so why can’t it happen to the Canadiens ?

The fight was a build-up – kinda like the tension  that arose over a period of time between Patrick Roy and Mario Tremblay. Thank God Plekanec or Subban are not coaching …

Here , without any doubt whatsoever are the reasons why the two Habs dropped their purses and went at it …

10. Plekanec said ” Your Momma ” one too many times …

9. Tomas got tired of Subban coming up to him and pulling on his goatee – asking .. ” Is it real …? Is it …?”

8. Subban said ; ” Californifaction is the best TV show …” Plekanec said ” No – it is The Mentalist !” … push came to shove and …

7. Guy Lafleur called Subban to wish him Merry Christmas and ask for Plekanec’s  phone number … Subban gave Lafleur Sean Avery‘s instead. Safe to say …Tomas was none too pleased of the whole affair !

6. An out of town reporter asked Plekanec what the initials P. K represented …? Plekanec replied ; ” Pink-ish Kommie ! ”

5. Subban sent Twitter  picture of his private parts to Plekanec’s girlfriend. The caption read ; Wide Angle lens only !

4. Parking lot dispute !

3. Subban was seen telling everyone that Plekanec’s Mom and Dad were ‘ stupid ‘ ! Case in point – no ‘ H ‘ in Tomas.

2. Plekanec not really into the ‘ Hip Hop scene

and the number one reason Plekanec and Subban got into a fight …

       1. Subban did not put the cap back on the toothpaste !

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Hockey Writers , Habs Eye on the Prize and Knuckles Nilan will keep you updated ….

Call Kerry Kenemy at Pro ink for your ink cartridges and Armen at Galerie D’Art Pointe Claire will frame your hockey jersey ! Framing is Armen’s specialty …! Greg Senneville at Pc – Teck will help in all your computer needs !

Monday Morning Q – Tip


Okay …

Remove all the noise from around the world of the Habs with Le Forum de Montreal Q – Tip. News that happened over the week-end that made you go wtf and  hmmm …

  • Martin Brodeur is one assist or one goal away from tying Scott Gomez in points this season.
  • Josh Gorges signed a new six year deal with the Montreal Canadiens ensuring him the captaincy down the road. That is unless Ronald Corey arrives back in the picture. If the former president of the Habs takes control – Gorges’ reign would last approximately 34 minutes
  • Les Canadiens spent more time scoring at the Florida bars than on the ice. The results …? The Lightning and Panthers 2 – Montreal 0. ( Raphael Diaz scored a hat trick – Suzanne, Donna and Tiffany are said to be pleased …)
  • On this date in 1815 ; Napoleon Bonaparte was defeated by British and Prussian troops at Waterloo, Belgium. Brian Gionta is sporting a red coat and keeping his hand in his jacket all day to commemorate his taller Uncle’s loss…
  • Five years to the day – The Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy opens to 152 hand-picked students in South Africa. P.K Subban so far – has received 112 calls and expects the remaining 39 to get back to him by dinner time. No word if Oprah will be giving low fives …
  • On this date in 1988 , Brian Mulroney signs free trade agreement with U.S President Ron Reagan. In August , Wayne Gretzky was dealt to the L.A Kings . Is it any wonder why Mulroney is considered one of the worst Prime Ministers in Canadian history …
  • Panther’s forward Krys Barch is under investigation for possibly sending a racial slur P.K Subban’s way during the Habs – Florida game on New Year’s Eve. Rumour has it Barch called Subban a Montreal Canadien …

    Hmmmmmm ....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also on this day …

  Westmount Quebec – Montreal Wanderers’ hockey arena burns down. Maurice Richard seen leaving the area with an empty pack of matches …Newfoundland – Founding of the Supreme Court of Newfoundland. When asked about it – Newfoundlander and former Hab Micheal Ryder quipped ; ” Um… what’s a court ?”

Prices Valid until February 28
 

Top Ten Signs the Montreal Canadiens are in Florida


It  is – 18 Celsius in Montreal …

Le Club de Hockey Canadien are no dummies. They have taken the first flight out of town to the sunny skies of Florida. How can a beer-guzzling , Jean Beliveau-lovin’  , Gaston Gingras – lunchbox toting fan know for sure their beloved team is there …?

Here are the top ten signs the Montreal Canadiens are in Florida …

10. Half the team mistaken for characters at Disney’s ‘ It’s a small world ‘ attraction.

9. Mathieu Darche and David Desharnais’ Speedos are suddenly ‘ in fashion ‘.

8. Hal Gill recruited immediately as a member of  the  men’s volleyball beach squad.

7. Team greeted by former coach Jacques Martin in his new role … front desk clerk at the Holiday Inn !

6. Much to Eller’s dismay – plus 500 sun block  ‘  not quite ready ‘  for the general public .

5. Guy Boucher making extra dough by giving Randy Cunneyworth french lessons on the side …

4. Weber and Diaz making a fortune betting on Jai-alai !

3. No matter how hard he tries – Peter Budaj just cannot shake the sand out of his mask !

2. Emelin ecstatic with the abundance of orange juice …!

and the number one sign the Canadiens are in Florida …?

1. Carey Price applying layers of  ‘ dark ‘ tanning oil to P.K Subban’s shoulders and chest !

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Prices valid until February 28

Santa Claus is Making a List and Czeching it Twice – Part One


It is the time of year when Santa sits down, pulls out his keyboard and decides who has been naughty or nice. The players on the Montreal Canadiens are not exempt from his discrimination.

Who will recieve a new iPad and who will have a big lump of coal deposited in their red, white and blue stockings …?

Le Forum de Montreal has placed an undercover elf ( Brian Gionta) into Santa’s workshop and discovered the fat-man’s notes …

The Defence

P.K Subban

Mouths off to opponents / Bad

Is always smiling / Good

Gives away the puck sometimes / Bad

Gives low fives to Carey Price / Good

Enjoys listening to the Roots on iPad/ Good

Gift decision – A basketball contract

Hal Gill

Is very tall / Good

Is very wimpy/ Bad

Keeps P.K in line / Good

Once played for Toronto and Boston / Bad

Can clean banners at Bell Center without the use of a stool / Good

Gift decision – Gift certificate at Big Men-Tall Men- Stout Men Shop

Brian Gionta

Josh Gorges

Recovered from knee operation / Good

Is having career year point-wise / Good

Growing hair/ Good

A leader in the dressing room / Good

His parents could not spell Georges properly / Bad

Gift decision – The letter ‘ C ‘ on his sweater

Jaroslav Spacek

Tomas Kaberle

Played for Boston and Toronto / Bad

Missing ‘H’ in first name / Bad

A – 19 in Carolina / Bad

Knows cheerleaders from time in Carolina / Good

Gives Habs the zany Czech humor that Spacek had / Good

Gift decision – A heart from the Wizard of Oz

Alexei Yemelin Emelin

Can’t understand what Jacques Martin is saying / Good

Enjoys Vodka/ Bad

Name keeps changing/ Bad

Body-checks like a demon/ Good

Improving everyday / Good

Gift decision – A healthy Andrei Markov

Raphael Diaz

Chicks dig him/ Good

A good sense of the game/ Good

Scored first NHL goal/ Good

Keeps Weber happy with Swiss verbal bantering/ Good

Chicks dig him/ Good

Gift decision – A no trade clause with the New York Islanders ( see Streit, Mark).

Yannick Weber

Keeps Diaz happy with Swiss banter/ Good

Gives up the puck too often/ Bad

No relation to Yannick Noah/ Bad

If Campoli and Markov were healthy – would be in Hamilton/ Bad

Visited children’s hospital/ Good

Gift decision – Toblerone ( it was 3-D first ) !

Chris Campoli

Did not get decapitated by Ryan Malone/Good

Keeps things ‘ light’ in infirmary / Good

Knows the Ottawa Senators system very well/ Bad

Makes great spaghetti sauce/ Good

Never seen him play / Bad

Gift decision – An instructional  DVD by Eric Lindros titled ‘ Keep your head up and enjoy the game !’

Andrei Markov

**** Gets present by default for his years of service

Gift decision – Steve ( the six million dollar man)  Austin’s phone number …!

Stay tuned for more of Santa’s list …!


Top Ten Signs the Habs are Struggling


Oops …

Three straight losses at home to start the new season – say it ain’t so Joe Malone

The Habs have plenty of time to turn things around yet there are signs that panic maybe setting in ….

Here now are the Top Ten Signs the Habs are Struggling …

10. Martin spotted buying a book written by Gretzky . The title ? F*CK defense . SCORE BABY SCORE  !

9. Scalpers outside the Bell Center seen eating peanut butter and jam sandwiches.

8. The Toronto Maple Leafs have more points !

7. P.K Subban booked a plane ticket to Haiti … for the third period on TUESDAY NIGHT!

6. T – shirt sales ain’t what they used to be …

5. Gomez one of the more popular players !

4. Carey Price ‘ s horse is keeping the neighbors awake with his moaning.

3. Geoffrey Molson is secretly speaking to George Gillette.

2. Hal Gill will have to settle for a ‘ My parents went to Hal Gill’s 1000th game and all I got was this lousy t-shirt ‘ t-shirt.

and the number one sign the Habs are struggling … ?

1. The Winnipeg Jets are the only team they can beat !

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