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Everybody’s going Way Out !

And a-one and a-two!
There’s a place where I can go
And that’s where I wanna be
I’m sayin’ good-bye to you, good people,
For I’ve found a place for me!
(Yeah yeah yeaaaaaaah…)

Gonna go way out…WAY OUT!
That’s where the fun is, way out…WAY OUT!
That’s where the sun is, way out…

– The Way Outs

If Fred Flinstone could fast – forward to 2012 in a time car; one – his legs would be very sore and two – he would discover the NHL is filled with aliens.

Entire hockey teams behaving like men behaving badly and badly at that. Unlike anything hockey fans have witnessed since Kate Smith rallied the city of brotherly love to not love anyone in the mid – seventies. Bettman’s boys are losing it and losing it big!

Sidney Crosby fighting? Tossing his purse aside and demonstrating his frustration? Hey Sid! Remember the concussion that sidelined your industrious sideline career? If you keep this up – a Crosby coffin will be the most popular Penguin merchandise on sale at EBay.

Even former Penguin, Jaromir ( you gotta move like ) Jägr – has a few thoughts on the person who captains his old squad;

There is a lot of talk now about Sidney Crosby and what he’s been doing on the ice. Some give it a lot of thought, others less. And I am a guy who does not care at all, I take no notice. He does harm only to himself. But every man is different, perhaps this helps him get into the game and play better.

And why not?

The Penguins appear deader than an adolescence’s dream of pulling in Jessica Alba for a night. The Pens’ problems stem from a schizophrenic point of view. One Penguin team was successful – this one is not!

M&M ‘s Rule !

If Pittsburgh followed the rule of the M and M’s – they may have had a chance. They would not melt in any glove as they compete for the Candy … er … Stanley Cup.

Taking two candies between thumb and forefinger. Apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks like Bryzgalov’s ideas. That one is the loser. Eat the inferior one as soon as possible and the winner gets to go another round.

The black and gold and the red M&Ms are tougher. The newer blue ones from Winnipeg are genetically inferior.The blue M&Ms as a race – cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and – Bettman’s world.

Occasionally, a mutation appears. A candy that is misshapen or pointier. Flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the Maple Leafs continue to adapt to their environment.

At the end of the pack, there remains one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to: M&M Mars, A Division of Bettman’s NHL, New York, New York 17840-1503 U.S.A.

Along with the strong M & M – I attach a note;

“Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.”

Theres a town I know where the hipsters go they call it Philadelphia
Twitch! Twitch!
And when you get an itch to do the Twitch in Philadelphia
it’s a twitchin’ town so I’ll see you down in Philadelphia
Twitch! Twitch!

-The Way Outs


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