Where Are They Now ? Part One

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Le Forum de Montreal has decided to look up some of the hockey players that are not playing hockey for the Montreal Canadiens anymore. Just to see  what they are up to …?

These players were once embedded deep in out hearts and were an intricate part of our daily lives. Why forget about them after all that …?

Some have been hard to find while others – as easy as stopping a Rick Green snapshot ! This is who we have discovered so far …

The Players

Andrei Kostitsyn 
Andrei fell on hard times once he stopped skating for le bleu, blanc et rouge. Due to his monthly payments to the Russian mob – Andrei was forced to move in with his brother Sergei in Nashville. Following several fights related to his absolute disliking of country music – Andrei has been allocated to taking out the trash while he serves the remaining time in his house -arrest sentence. Unfortunatley for Andrei , his state-of-the-art toupee will have to wait due to financial reasons.
Lars Eller
Eller was able to grab a job at the local Tim Horton‘s due to his easy-going personality. The patrons that come and go at the drive through window – love hearing tales of his four-goal night. There are also rumors that Lars is making extra cash on the side selling t-shirts of his exploits as a Canadien. Eller ‘ s best customer is former Hab – Jaroslav Halak.
Scott Gomez
Scott did not have it easy once his playing career was over. He modeled hat ware for a while before landing a job in his native Alaska as a geography teacher for Sarah Palin. Word on the street is Palin gets a kick from rubbing Gomez’ head every morning for 
 ‘ good luck’ ! Mr. Gomez did get in a little trouble before he left the organization and was escorted out of the Bell Center for throwing pucks at Bob Gainey and yelling …” You ruined my career you defensive -minded snot …!” 
Brian Gionta
The little American eased into his new position as an adviser for Brendan Gallagher – the Habs’s hot prospect. Brian spent a good three months helping Brendan shop for items that will help Gallagher in his NHL career. Items such as Dr. Sholl’s five inch skate inserts and  a book written by Yvon Cournyoyer titled ‘ How to survive in a land of giants ‘. Gionta is said to be pleased with his new role …
Max Pacioretty
Max had a very hard time adjusting to his life after hockey. He spent the better part of five years ‘ soul-searching’ in Tibet. Befriended by a little-known monk by the name of Tokyo Joe – Pacioretty found new purpose in his life teaching Joe and the rest of the monks how to play hockey. Max’s ‘ team ‘ went on to win a championship in the National Buddhist League and Pacioretty was honored for introducing padding that wrapped around the religious stanchions. No word if the Molsons are planning a court case …
David Desharnais
David was quickly recruited for work once he stopped playing. The Parti Quebecoise signed on the tiny frenchman to police the language laws in the NHL. Some of Desharnais’ duties ; making sure Vincent Lecavalier watches two hours of L’Anti-chambre every night, verifying that Gary Bettman manufacturers the proper use of the accent aigu on official documents and giving french lessons to all the Montreal Canadiens’ coaches- past and present. David also has a new video in stores ; ‘ Vive les Canadiens Libre !’
Rene Bourque
Bourque’s career ended almost as quickly as it started with the Habs. A good -looking dude, Rene caught on very quick as a dancer at Club 281 . He slipped rather eloquently into his new role as Tarzan; King of the Well-Endowed. The only downside to Bourque’s new job ? Getting suspended once a week for elbowing coworkers with bigger penises than him …
Stay tuned as we attempt to track down as many ex-Habs we can find …
Meanwhile – check out Kevin and the boys at Habs Eye on the Prize , the Hockey Writers and Knuckles Nilan. They will fill you in about STUFF !
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  1. You’ve smoked strong weed, man.


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