Sex , Lies and Hockey Tape – Part Three


The New York Rangers sucked . Then they re-called one of the biggest sucks in hockey ( Sean Avery) and suddenly they do not suck as much anymore. Go figure – eh ? Standing behind Avery’s shenanigans is the stellar net-minding of Henrik Lundqvist. The team,  with Henrik leading the way , are second only to Boston in goals allowed in the East. Thank the Statue of Liberty because their offense is scoring in the middle of the pack. The 71 goals for is only two more than the Habs’ anemic output and it will be their Achilles heal come play-off time should they make it. Glen Sather’s steal of the decade ( Scott Gomez , Tom Pyatt and Michael Busto for Higgins , Valentenko , Janik and McDonagh ) is paying dividends as Ryan is becoming the star the Habs let go and Valentko is a steadfast D-man. None of the players Montreal received are productive anywhere. Goaltending and defence means everything in the play-offs – if Lundqvist can pull a Halak come spring , a parade through the streets of Manhattan is possible.

$$$$$$$$$ screws up everything. Just ask Lou Lamiorello.

Lou has a few too many drinks – decides that his defensive -minded Devils need a goal scorer , and promptly ruins the franchise by signing Kovalchuk to a huge multi-year deal. The hangover will not go away for Mr. Lamiorello as his silliness has ruined his team, his salary cap , the minors and his fan base. There are no monkeys in Kovalchuk’s  sequel so the Devils will have to discover ways to amuse themselves as their goaltender ages. The best thing Lamiorello can do at this point is trade Martin Brodeur to a contender in March and amass some young prospects with offensive talent to add to Kovalchuk’s skill. If not – the Devils will prove that Hell can freeze over …

The New York islanders cannot win , they cannot score and they cannot draw people to their decrepit building.John Tavares must feel like a fish out of water as he skates alone on most evenings. A new building will improve the spirits of everyone yet a change of management must follow.

The Ottawa Senators do not have cheerleaders – so there is not much to cheer for. They cannot score goals yet somehow they are squeaking by and playing close to .500 hockey. The team has rid themselves of two poisons in Kovalev and Gonchar and the changes have made the Sens much better. This is a re- building year for the team and expect them out of the play-offs once more. Next year will bring and new era in Ottawa as the parity in the NHL will ensure the team rises higher than this season. Alfredson may call it quits unless he drinks something from Selanne’s secret vile. If management was nice – they would ship him to a contender this year so that Daniel can do his best Ray Bourque impression.

Stay tuned for part four and if you need Kleenex after watching the Habs fall to the powerful Blue Jackets last night – Uniprix is having a sale ….

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