Jacques Martin’s Memo to Gauthier

Not surprisingly , Jacques Martin has some demands for next season and he has wasted no time in passing the requests onto his superior – M. Pierre Gauthier.

Luckily , the inter -office memo slipped into the hands of ‘ spies ‘ and the general public has access to it.

MontrealCanadiens interoffice memo

to:                  PierreGauthier

from:            JacquesMartin

subject:     dismissal from playoffs

date:             April 27 2011

Cc  The Molson Brothers

       Urgent reply needed

Dear Sirs,

 Let me begin by saying how much I enjoy coaching the Montreal Canadien hockey club. It is a great honor to be at the helm of such a storied franchise.

I did my best to succeed in the ultimate goal of any hockey team in the National Hockey League – to win the Stanley Cup. Unfortunately, myself and Monsieurs Muller and Pearn failed at our task and as a group – we are deeply distressed by the result of our first round series. The outcome is detrimental to success yet I truly believe that as a group, we gained important understanding for years to come. I also appreciate that we will be losingMr.Muller as an associate and although he will be greatly missed – we wish him nothing but victory in his future activities.

That stated, I wish to express my wishes for the subsequent season and I hope that all my demands are met with the utmost urgency. As a team, I do not believe that we can linger until the final moments to position the final pieces of this puzzle together.

Without further ado – my requests to advance the hockey club are as follows;

  – Please block past members of the hockey club who currently create their living as French broadcasters from both the dressing and media rooms. I find it very disconcerting to answer questions from former coaches and players that by no means won a damn thing in their previous roles and somehow accept as true – the right to question me!

– Do not – I repeat, DO NOT let me place eyes upon Benoit Pouliot again! I am fearful that I will exterminate the S. O. B …!

– Ditto Scott Gomez

– I would love to boast Scotty Bowman  as an assistant – please advise.

– If possible – could you please ensure that any fresh players on the team hover well above the elevation level of five feet ten inches? Thank You.

– As much as I enjoy his colorful accounts from the Motherland – could you please propel Mr. Kostisyn to Nashville  .

– I will never outfit Mr.Nilan  for a game against the Boston Bruins. Could you please update him of this decision and close down his nightly calls?

– Do not overlook the small matter of repairing that damn stanchion!

– While on the subject – it appears a psychologist may be required forMr.Pacioretty. He discovers a rather agitated state when anyone over six feet invades his space. He also refuses to eat the GREEN GIANT brand of peas.

– I sincerely believe that as a coach, calf roping and bull riding should not be part of the agenda. I would rather enjoy myself if that condition was removed from Mr. Price‘s contract. No offence to his cowboy ways of course.

– Is there a remote chance of obtaining the services of Messieurs Crosby or Ovechkin? Please advise .

I hope the above conditions are aptly met or at the smallest amount, a robust effort is given to the tasks at hand. Thank you for your ongoing support and let us all peer forward to a hopeful season in 2011 – 12.

Sincerely ,


p.s  Although the Mayans predict the end of the world in the year 2012 – I believe with strong defensive play , a Stanley Cup can be won !

p.p.s.  lol

p.p.p.s  lmao

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