The Worst Sequel Ever


The ' Royal ' Martin

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water …

The water – in this case, being Jacques Martin’s defensive system and all the emotions it carries with it .

The majority of Hab fans cursed and smashed their G. M sticks against the boards this season . Many demanding that M. Martin be lifted from his perch behind the Canadiens ‘ bench. The reason for their ‘ unsportsmanlike penalties ‘ ? Martin’s seemingly inablity to grasp the reality of each game’s unique ebb and flow. If Brian Gionta’s squad managed to gain a respectable lead of two or three goals – the coach of le bleu , blanc et rouge pulled back on the reigns harder than the Grinch trying to salvage his reputation ( and dog Max ). The team would dig deeper into it’s collective defensive shell and more times than not – allow their opponents back on the saddle in the great rodeo of hockey.

' Canuck ' You !

In sharp contrast , Martin would then allow his team more freedom than a ‘ benched teenager ‘ on an evening when the team’s foes were stronger than they. Period after period , Martin’s mob would apply endless pressure against teams they had no business dominating. Vancouver , Chicago and Tampa Bay would arrive in town ahead of the Habs in the standings and one by one – depart with sticks between their legs . So what is with Jacques ‘ weird and wacky ways ? Why does his team sip when they should be gulping ? Jacques Martin is the only man that carries with him that response. Sadly – retrieving this precious information is as easy as Brian Gionta washing Zdeno Chara’s head.

Bruins 5 Habs 4 – OT

Last night’s game – the first sequel in a Canadiens’ collapse , once again proved Martin’s ineptitude at practicing the fine art of ‘ carpe diem ‘ . Les Habitants had the Beantown boys on the ropes in shots and goals against. The score was 3 – 1 in the second period and the Habs spooked even their own ghosts by outshooting the Bruins 29 – 10 at one point . In lieu of ‘ seizing the day ‘ ( or at the very least – the third period ) , Jacques’ jerseys commenced skating backward at high speed. Ali , Frazier and Mike Tyson never won fights this way and someone should send Martin a copy of Will Smith acting as ‘ the greatest ‘ .

Prin ...er Jacques Martin - The Man Who Would Be King

Ali – just like the Habs , relied on a rope -a – dope stragedy to win. Unlike the Habs , Ali knew ‘ when to hold ’em ‘ and definately ‘ when to fold ’em ‘ . If Ali was a hockey team on the brink of placing a stranglehold on a first round series , the Champ would never ‘gamble ‘ and return to his defensive ways. Instead of aping Ali – the Habs conjured up Tyson and in return bit off Martin’s larger -than – life defensive ears . Lord Louis Mountbatten once told Prince Charles  ” you will never be King with ears like that !” Perhaps Charles’ cousin was not sporting his bi – focles  at the time and mistook the wannabe King for the wannabe Martin.

The Boys are Back in Town

The players who skate for the Montreal organization must love Boston . They owned an opportunity to avoid a further trip to the city until next Spring. Instead , they will be skating with their backs against the boards on Saturday night at the pretend Gah – den. Momentum will be in the line – up for Boston while ‘the Montreal ghosts ‘ continue their road to recovery . It is suspected that they are suffering from ‘ concussion ‘ like symptoms after being hit from behind during last night’s game. Word from the NHL head office in New York is that no suspension will be given to the Bruin ‘ s character .

The Habs , habitually ( no pun intended ) , do not win games when they are not the underdogs . Samedi soir will test that theory to the highest degree . Which Martin team will rear it ‘s helmeted head is Bobby Orr’s and every Bruin since ‘ s guess .

Up a Creek without a Hockey Stick ?

Jaws was the number one box office hit upon it’s release in 1975. Movie goers around the world knew it was not safe to re – enter the water until all the sequels were filmed. The first sequel is deemed the best while the following two tarnished the reputation of the original.

It is time for sequel number five between these two proud teams. The question for Hab fans is whether or not it will be safe to go back in the water. History – as sequels go , says no .

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