Jacques Martin’s Memo to Gauthier


Not surprisingly , Jacques Martin has some demands for next season and he has wasted no time in passing the requests onto his superior – M. Pierre Gauthier.

Luckily , the inter -office memo slipped into the hands of ‘ spies ‘ and the general public has access to it.

MontrealCanadiens interoffice memo

to:                  PierreGauthier

from:            JacquesMartin

subject:     dismissal from playoffs

date:             April 27 2011

Cc  The Molson Brothers

       Urgent reply needed

Dear Sirs,

 Let me begin by saying how much I enjoy coaching the Montreal Canadien hockey club. It is a great honor to be at the helm of such a storied franchise.

I did my best to succeed in the ultimate goal of any hockey team in the National Hockey League – to win the Stanley Cup. Unfortunately, myself and Monsieurs Muller and Pearn failed at our task and as a group – we are deeply distressed by the result of our first round series. The outcome is detrimental to success yet I truly believe that as a group, we gained important understanding for years to come. I also appreciate that we will be losingMr.Muller as an associate and although he will be greatly missed – we wish him nothing but victory in his future activities.

That stated, I wish to express my wishes for the subsequent season and I hope that all my demands are met with the utmost urgency. As a team, I do not believe that we can linger until the final moments to position the final pieces of this puzzle together.

Without further ado – my requests to advance the hockey club are as follows;

  – Please block past members of the hockey club who currently create their living as French broadcasters from both the dressing and media rooms. I find it very disconcerting to answer questions from former coaches and players that by no means won a damn thing in their previous roles and somehow accept as true – the right to question me!

– Do not – I repeat, DO NOT let me place eyes upon Benoit Pouliot again! I am fearful that I will exterminate the S. O. B …!

– Ditto Scott Gomez

– I would love to boast Scotty Bowman  as an assistant – please advise.

– If possible – could you please ensure that any fresh players on the team hover well above the elevation level of five feet ten inches? Thank You.

– As much as I enjoy his colorful accounts from the Motherland – could you please propel Mr. Kostisyn to Nashville  .

– I will never outfit Mr.Nilan  for a game against the Boston Bruins. Could you please update him of this decision and close down his nightly calls?

– Do not overlook the small matter of repairing that damn stanchion!

– While on the subject – it appears a psychologist may be required forMr.Pacioretty. He discovers a rather agitated state when anyone over six feet invades his space. He also refuses to eat the GREEN GIANT brand of peas.

– I sincerely believe that as a coach, calf roping and bull riding should not be part of the agenda. I would rather enjoy myself if that condition was removed from Mr. Price‘s contract. No offence to his cowboy ways of course.

– Is there a remote chance of obtaining the services of Messieurs Crosby or Ovechkin? Please advise .

I hope the above conditions are aptly met or at the smallest amount, a robust effort is given to the tasks at hand. Thank you for your ongoing support and let us all peer forward to a hopeful season in 2011 – 12.

Sincerely ,

JacquesMartin

p.s  Although the Mayans predict the end of the world in the year 2012 – I believe with strong defensive play , a Stanley Cup can be won !

p.p.s.  lol

p.p.p.s  lmao

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Top Ten Signs the Habs Season is Over


All things must pass …

Scott Gomez’ motto ? Not quite yet maybe it should be …

Nos Amours ‘sur glace’ have left an empty feeling in the city as they ceased competing for La Coupe Stanley.

Here are the Top Ten signs the Habs Season is Over as felt around our fair town.

10.Much more attention paid to Mayor Tremblay ‘s construction contracts.

9. Strangers no longer exchange words.

8. The Royal Wedding was baffling with the absence of Bob Cole doing play – by – play.

7. Scott Gomez is exhaling once more.

6. Bell Center is available for rent – cheap !

5. Carey Price seen polishing his spurs.

4. Bill Lee is suddenly ‘ much more accessible’..

3. The boys from RDS are in rehab.

2.Restaurant and bar owners have mounted photos of Chara onto  their dart boards.

and the number one sign the Habs season is over …?

1. Is hockey still played ?

Bruins Win Series in Four Games … Priceless !


A Hab fan can disguise things all they want .

” We competed ” They will say with partial truth planted firmly between cheek and mouth protector.  ” We should have won game four . We deserved to win game five ! ” Etc … etc … In reality , not unlike the crew of Gilligan’s Island – the entire bunch would have been lost if not for courage of the fearless Carey Price .

The Savior !

The Canadiens won the first two games in Boston . On the scoreboard – yes . In the middle of the ice , in the corners and in the slot – no they did not.

Upon a return to the supposed safe confines of their own rink , the Bruins outplayed them once more . This time however , the team from Boston won on the scoreboard as well. The Habs ‘ faithful sat in disbelief as their hometown heroes squandered the lead three times. Why were the fans in disbelief ? Why did the collapse surprise everyone except for Guy Lafleur who once accurately surmised that a team cannot win Stanley Cups with four fourth lines .

Oh No - Not again ...!?

They ( the fans ) witnessed the scenario all season long . The series against their long time rivals was an encore to a concert that was already too long. Les Habitants could not seal the deal all season when they were in charge on the scoreboard and in momentum. Why should things change in the playoffs ?

Game Six – A Turning Point

In a must – win situation in game six , the Habs came out and took the play to the Bruins in the first five minutes of the opening period. Sure – the referee took away a goal with incompetence . It did not stop the Habs from playing inspiring hockey and it led to a 1 – 0 lead scored on a 5 – 3 advantage. Although they scored to send the crowd into a frenzy – it was during that powerplay opportunity when Montreal displayed all that ails them and gave Boston more hope to carry on than Terry Fox did for millions.

Les Canadiens – the former Frenchmen of the Flying variety ,

Where 's Bob Gainey when you need him ...?

appeared more like Beavers than Eagles. Brian Gionta ‘s goal was only the second quality scoring chance the team held while up by two men and if the captain had not tallied – the period would have ended deadlocked at zero. When Seidenberg beat Price early in the second period – the Bruins once more erased the momentum that sat alongside M. Beliveau in the ‘ not so cheap seats ‘.

Swinging the enthusiasm away from the home crowd was something that the Bruins did every game in the post season away from home. What happened to the mystique of the Montreal Canadiens nest ? Perhaps a renaming of Le Centre Bell to Le Forum de Bell may appease the ghosts and evoke more appearances in the future.

Dahlin - Like a ghost ?

Once the ghosts finally came out of their cobwebbed locker room – the current day players did not appreciate their ghoulish selflessness . Another five on three powerplay led to another Montreal goal yet the production on the combined pair of ten – on – sixes was enough to make the forever pale Kjell Dahlin blush a lovely shade of bleu , blanc et ROUGE . Eight shots was the grand total of the two two – man advantages in a game that meant not only survival for the Habs bunch – it was also a missed opportunity to blow the doors off the good ship Bruin.

Anyone supporting the Black and Gold colors of Terry O ‘ Reilly ‘s cousins , would be quick to point out that the Bruins were down 2- 1 halfway through a game when they should have been out a full royal flush and dialing room service for their post – game meals. The Bostonian bunch played to the end and if Carey Price wasn ‘ t Bob Gainey’s love child – the Habs would have made it much easier on their travel agent , wives and girlfriends ( or both ) .

No Fear

Don ' t you know who I am .... ?

A team must instill fear into an opponent to gain the upper glove. The Habs placed that fear into the Caps and Penguins last year. The pair of Eastern Division rivals started to panic as their respective series went the distance . The teams did not know what exactly they were fearing , yet fear they did . By the time game seven arrived – the league’s trio of stars ( Ovechkin , Crosby and Malkin ) were so frustrated , they did not know up from Gord Down – ey. The difference between this season and last , the Habs never had those two teams in a position to knock them down. If they did – the Habs followed their performances by a lacklustre effort by their former hero – Jaroslav Halak.

Halak gave his opponents reasons to think he was human where

Not Invincible ...

Price gave only signs that he was the sole piece of the puzzle in beating the Habs. Washington and Pittsburgh chased Halak while the Bruins never came close to removing Price from between the pipes . It was the Habs ‘ forwards that gave Boston enough evidence that three goals against Montreal was sufficient enough to win a game. The Habs ‘ forwards gave the Bruins hope no matter what the score was and this matter must be fixed before Les Canadiens will ever lift Stanley Cup banner number twenty – five to the rafters.

The Future ?

Brian Gionta , Tomas Plekanec , Max Pacioretty , Mathieu Darche and Mike Cammalleri aside – the Habs ‘ forwards are as consistent as an O. J . Simpson killer – search.

Gomez - ' Hair ' today ...gone tomorrow !

Scott Gomez ‘ career is over . Period. No matter where the dude plays , his skates are speaking volumes when he strides around and around and around …  Guy Lafleur starting playing the same as Gomez when his confidence disappeared the season before he retired from the Habs. Guy previous and Scott now – both stick to the perimeters and avoid any attempt to beat a defenceman up the middle one on on. Around the boards they circle and either attempt a blind pass to the slot or shoot from afar. Confidence is more important to an athlete than any stick or piece of equipment that a sporting goods salesman can ever give away. Gomez can only hope that a sequel is in the works for a Mystery , Alaska  – 2 .

Benoit Pouliot

If O. J needed someone to help him find Nicole Simpson ‘ s killer or to retrieve his stolen memorabilia – Pouliot would not have been a good choice. Benoit has been searching for the back of the net the majority of the season and his talent for doing so reaches it ‘s pinnacle at the worst possible moment. Two years as a Hab and two years of playoff futility. Pierre Gauthier made his best move as G. M when he inked Pouliot to a one year deal. Thanks for comin’ out Benoit …!

Andrei Kostisyn

The Belarusian is like a girlfriend that is good in bed but drinks too

Kostisyn - Drunk ...?

much in public. Habs ‘ management must weigh both the good and the bad and decide which is better for their long term happiness. Thankfully , there are enough G. M ‘ s around the league who are ‘ not getting any ‘ and Gauthier should be able to exchange ‘ lust ‘ for ‘ passion ‘ .

Jeff Halpern

A good soldier . Came in and did what was expected of him . Killed penalties , won face-offs and added maturity in the dressing room. Unfortunately – the player that he replaced , Dominic Moore , was a little better in all areas and Jeff lacked the ‘ drive ‘ of Moore. Bad move by Gauthier but not Halpern ‘s fault.

Travis Moen

Here a Duck , there a Duck - everywhere a Duck , Duck ...

The former Stanley Cup champion Duck was brought to Montteal to add grit and the occasional goal. In 2009 – 10 , that move appeared to be a flash of brilliance . This past season was the exact opposite as Moen seemed to have been bitten by the same bug as Gomez. What exactly did Moen do ? Noone is certain . He was not bad defensively yet was no where to be seen on too many occasions when the Habs’ Smurfs were being pushed around. Please – keep him away from Laraque ! For the sake of the man ‘s diminishing career !

Captain Future

If Gauthier can replace these players with bigger and more consistent ones – the Montreal Canadiens will be a very strong force in the future . They have a solid defence if they hold onto the ‘ Wiz ‘ , Sopel , Gill , Hamrlik and Markov. Add the future captain – Subban and Gorges to the mix , a seven man tandem of talent , experience and youth is what you have in front of a young goaltender that will make everyone forget about Patrick Roy’ s exploits.

The Big Question

If the Habs had remained healthy all season , it would be much easier to judge coach Martin.

  • Did Lars Eller play well or – given the opportunity granted by a more offensive coach , would Eller have shone like he did against the Bruins ?
  • Is Sergei Kostisyn ‘s success in Nashville a reflection of Martin ‘ s inablity to allow offensive players to be offensive ?
  • Are Andrei Kostisyn , Cammalleri and Gionta hindered by their defensive responsibilities ?
  • Are the twelve points that the team squandered during the regular season against lowly opposition a reflection of the coach’ s weakness ?
  • Did Martin do an excellent job given everything the team had to deal with ?

The answers will be not be known until the end of next season if the team stays healthy. Jacques has gained another year for keeping his team above the frozen water line. Righty or wrongly .

See Ya Next year you lucky man ....

Pierre Gauthier did a great job as G. M with the only exception being the move that he did not make. Jason Arnott would have been a great addition at the trade deadline . Imagine him on the ice instead of Pouliot , Pyatt or even Darche ? His experience along with Gionta ‘ s would have gone a long way. Who knows ? It may have woke Gomez up as well … ?

Bonne Ete les gens ! Thanks for keeping us warm on those cold winter evenings …

The Worst Sequel Ever


The ' Royal ' Martin

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water …

The water – in this case, being Jacques Martin’s defensive system and all the emotions it carries with it .

The majority of Hab fans cursed and smashed their G. M sticks against the boards this season . Many demanding that M. Martin be lifted from his perch behind the Canadiens ‘ bench. The reason for their ‘ unsportsmanlike penalties ‘ ? Martin’s seemingly inablity to grasp the reality of each game’s unique ebb and flow. If Brian Gionta’s squad managed to gain a respectable lead of two or three goals – the coach of le bleu , blanc et rouge pulled back on the reigns harder than the Grinch trying to salvage his reputation ( and dog Max ). The team would dig deeper into it’s collective defensive shell and more times than not – allow their opponents back on the saddle in the great rodeo of hockey.

' Canuck ' You !

In sharp contrast , Martin would then allow his team more freedom than a ‘ benched teenager ‘ on an evening when the team’s foes were stronger than they. Period after period , Martin’s mob would apply endless pressure against teams they had no business dominating. Vancouver , Chicago and Tampa Bay would arrive in town ahead of the Habs in the standings and one by one – depart with sticks between their legs . So what is with Jacques ‘ weird and wacky ways ? Why does his team sip when they should be gulping ? Jacques Martin is the only man that carries with him that response. Sadly – retrieving this precious information is as easy as Brian Gionta washing Zdeno Chara’s head.

Bruins 5 Habs 4 – OT

Last night’s game – the first sequel in a Canadiens’ collapse , once again proved Martin’s ineptitude at practicing the fine art of ‘ carpe diem ‘ . Les Habitants had the Beantown boys on the ropes in shots and goals against. The score was 3 – 1 in the second period and the Habs spooked even their own ghosts by outshooting the Bruins 29 – 10 at one point . In lieu of ‘ seizing the day ‘ ( or at the very least – the third period ) , Jacques’ jerseys commenced skating backward at high speed. Ali , Frazier and Mike Tyson never won fights this way and someone should send Martin a copy of Will Smith acting as ‘ the greatest ‘ .

Prin ...er Jacques Martin - The Man Who Would Be King

Ali – just like the Habs , relied on a rope -a – dope stragedy to win. Unlike the Habs , Ali knew ‘ when to hold ’em ‘ and definately ‘ when to fold ’em ‘ . If Ali was a hockey team on the brink of placing a stranglehold on a first round series , the Champ would never ‘gamble ‘ and return to his defensive ways. Instead of aping Ali – the Habs conjured up Tyson and in return bit off Martin’s larger -than – life defensive ears . Lord Louis Mountbatten once told Prince Charles  ” you will never be King with ears like that !” Perhaps Charles’ cousin was not sporting his bi – focles  at the time and mistook the wannabe King for the wannabe Martin.

The Boys are Back in Town

The players who skate for the Montreal organization must love Boston . They owned an opportunity to avoid a further trip to the city until next Spring. Instead , they will be skating with their backs against the boards on Saturday night at the pretend Gah – den. Momentum will be in the line – up for Boston while ‘the Montreal ghosts ‘ continue their road to recovery . It is suspected that they are suffering from ‘ concussion ‘ like symptoms after being hit from behind during last night’s game. Word from the NHL head office in New York is that no suspension will be given to the Bruin ‘ s character .

The Habs , habitually ( no pun intended ) , do not win games when they are not the underdogs . Samedi soir will test that theory to the highest degree . Which Martin team will rear it ‘s helmeted head is Bobby Orr’s and every Bruin since ‘ s guess .

Up a Creek without a Hockey Stick ?

Jaws was the number one box office hit upon it’s release in 1975. Movie goers around the world knew it was not safe to re – enter the water until all the sequels were filmed. The first sequel is deemed the best while the following two tarnished the reputation of the original.

It is time for sequel number five between these two proud teams. The question for Hab fans is whether or not it will be safe to go back in the water. History – as sequels go , says no .

Habs 2 Kharma Bums 0


It sure sucks to be a sports fan in Beantown right about now – does it not ?

The Patriots are no longer the dominant force they once were . The Celtics have resorted to signing an over – the – hill Shaq to help dethrone the machine also known as the L. A . Lakers and the Sox are off to a dismal start in Baseball . Yaz nation is none too happy and all this is just the good news …

The Boston Bruins , the supposedly BIG BAD BRUINS , are down 2 – 0 in their opening round playoff series against their archrivals – Les Canadiens de Smurfville . It was not supposed to be this way . Say it ain ‘ t so Don Cherry … !

Julien or Julienne ?

What is the problem with these skaters from the frozen waters of the Charles River ? Is it the coach ? The same Claude Julien who seemingly self – destructs when push comes to high – sticking . Perhaps Lou Lamiorello was on to something when he deemed the then Julien coached Devils ‘ not playoff ready ‘ as he fired the kindly coach moments before the road to the Cup began. Bob Gainey may have sent a memo to his pal Lou as the former Montreal G. M . did the same when Julien coached the pre – Smurf Habs . Gainey did not feel that his squad was in post – season mode as well. Say it ain’ t so Claude …!

Given the fact that Julien appears as a character out of Muppet Land or the distant cousin  of Sesame Streets ‘ Snuffulufagous , he is not the reason ( this time ) that his team is deeper in doggy – doo than Don Cherry ‘ s beloved dog Blue ever was !

The ‘ Kharma ‘ Bums

Les Bruins de Boston have skinny – dipped once too often in the shallow end of the kharma pool this season and the hockey gods are not very pleased .

Where shall we commence ?

If Zdeno Chara had admitted that he purposely gave Pacioretty a shove from behind in retribution for Max ‘s shove to his backside in a previous ill- advised incident , all would have been forgotten by the spectres of the two -line pass. The NHL would have suspended Chara and then the Habs , their fans and the ghouls of La Gauchetiere would have gone to bed as happy campers and dreamt of Stanley Cups past. Instead – Monsieur Chara , he of skates sized thirty , denied even knowing it was Pacioretty thus beginning a chain of events leading to the Bruins being on the brink of an early golfing date .

The eyes from above opened a little wider when , Colin Campbell was not allowed to fumble his way to a decision on Chara ‘s fate. His son – Gregory ,  was a partner in crime to Zdeno and his wicked ways as a teammate for the Stanley – droughted Boston club. Before the Rocket could translate ‘ conflict of interest ‘ to his native tongue and contemporaries , Chara was tried and unconvicted by Mike Murphy – Campbell’s right handed slave .

Once the shock of the non – Chara suspension wore off , it was now Mark Recchi ‘s turn to tempt the Gods.

Dr. Recchi

Recchi decided that being a former Penguin , Flyer , Hurricane and Hab gave him the necessary credentials to practice medecine . In a world where doctors normally leave Quebec for the ‘ greener ‘pastures of the United States , Recchi apparently took it upon himself to fill the void . ‘ Docteur Marc ‘ advised the hockey world that the Habs’ medical staff concoted Pacioretty’s injury in order to evict a guilty verdict from Bettman ‘s boys . Recchi now owes a thank you note to Boom – Boom for stopping John Ferguson from jumping the ‘penalty box in the sky’ and beating the Bruin silly. Strike two on Harry Sinden ‘s old club !

The Boston Bruins must have thought that clinching the Northeast division and beating the Habs 7 -0 along the way , exempted them from any retribution by the hockey Gods. Unfortunately , the team , or more specifically , Brad Marchand did not recieve the menacing post – it note from above stating the punishment begins in the playoffs. During the final meeting of the season between the Leafs and his team , Marchand tempted the Gods once more. He skated in front of the Toronto bench and in a move that made Tiger Woods envious – used his hockey stick as a golf club. The motion that soon followed is not very indicitive of a Stanley Cup run so the Leafs and ( sigh ) the hockey Gods were angered once more by the BIG BAD something – er – others …

In hockey as in baseball – a third strike means you are out unless the catcher drops the ball and tosses it to first base. Boston not only swung and missed with Marchand’s actions – they fell a good three feet before they entered the batter’s box .

Down and Out or Payback 101 ?

The Bruins are well on their way to losing their 25th playoff series in their 33th attempt against the Habs . The ghosts of hockey and Montreal have sent them back to the frenzied home of Les Canadiens down 2 – 0. Zdeno Chara missed the last game with a case of dehydration – guilt will do that to a man.

Carey Price has become Ken Dryden of 2011 and the Bruins , a well oiled machine during the regular season , now lack the punch of a steroid -less Barry Bonds. Lucic is playing like the current day Cam Neely and Tim Thomas is playing like Tim Thomas of last season.

Babe Ruth might be in this as well . Since the RedSox have won a couple of World Series titles – the poor guy has nothing to do. In lieu of moving his family to Beverly ( Hills , that is ) , it is easier to stay in the same town and haunt another franchise.

All Boston sports franchises are either ailing or up against foes real and imagined . There is no medicine to fix what ails the Bruins .

Unless Doctor Mark Recchi knows …

Green Giant Beats Up On Little Sprout


WARNING ! DO NOT LET YOUR KIDS WATCH THE REMAINDER OF THE HABS – BRUINS SERIES !

Unless , as parents , you and the spouse have reared them to be fans of UFC , racism and Michael Vick . Then , by all means – sit them down , plant a Bruin jersey with the name Chara on their youthful torsos and watch in amazement as they grow into fine young criminals.

Chara - Plekanec before the Game

Zdeno Chara is 6 ‘ 9 ” soaken – wet. Tomas Plekanec is a generous 5’ 9″ when wearing the proper footware. Apples and Oranges . Basketball player vs. horse jockey .

Any self – respecting man ( in the real world ) , would never –  in a million years , attack another male who is a foot smaller than he. Unless the giant in question is defending his family , the family dog or the family jewels. As the Boston Bruins hosted the Montreal Canadiens last night in game 1 of their playoff series – Bruin captain Chara demonstrated his ability to be a coward and a man who skates the fine line between aggression and the behaviour of a pychopath.

Chara , the Pacioretty incident aside , has always possessed that trait . If Zdeno gets mad during a game , the colour of the goal line is not the only red that he sees as he peers over the heads of his opponents. Presumably – as his blood boils , his size interrupts the natural progression of the anger within. A player of normal stature would get mad every two games . Given Chara ‘ s physical stature , it takes roughly twenty games for the anger to make it ‘ s way from skate to helmet and beware the player that is within the six mile radius of his wing span when it happens.

Last night it was Plekanec .

A True Captain

Unless the Habs ‘ center uttered something along the lines of ‘ Hey Chara ! Your wife ‘ s a dyke ‘ or ‘ Hey Chara ! Your wife is into bestiality with the female family dog ‘ , there lies no apparent evidence for Chara’ s elbow to the head of the Canadiens ‘ diminutive Czech . Perhaps Chara had seen plenty after Plekanec ‘ s teammate Gionta netted the game ‘ s only two goals and Jean Beliveau’s predecessor was well on his way to demonstrating how a real captain should lead.

Whatever it was that pushed Chara from sanity into the mind of Hannibal Lecter – it was no excuse for the Bruins ‘ player with the letter ‘ C ‘ on his mammoth chest to imitate his favourite UFC fighter. Chara elbowed ‘ Pleks ‘ to the head , held him down on the ice for several moments and then punched him , again in the head ,  a couple of times for good measure. To make it more embarrassing for the NHL than having Sean Avery evaluate players ‘ ex – girlfriends , Chara was assessed a two minute penalty for roughing …

Roughing ? What about elbowing , holding and roughing ? What happened to the league coming down hard on headshots ? Should Chara have not been giving a least a five minute major penalty for something ? Attempt to injure ? Ten minutes for beating up a smurf ? Is there no rule against that in Bettman ‘s bible ? There should be rules governing the well being of Smurfs – Mr . Bettman is one himself after all …

Habs Stick to Plan

The Montreal Canadiens frustrated the Capitals and the Penguins last year. Imagine how Ovechkin and company felt when –  game after game , the Habs climbed into their defensive stationwagon and played the same Eight Track tape night after night.

The Bruins started to get that idea in last night’ s game .

Pressure ? What pressure ?

Montreal appears to have the same philosophy that allowed them to skate into the third round against the Flyers last season. They sit back and allow the opposition to come in waves and shoot many pucks their goaltender ‘s way . Last year Halak was the beneficiary of  his team ‘s gifts . This year it is Carey Price ‘s turn to shine under the watchful eye of coach Martin ‘ s defensive system.

When Price was drafted , way back in 2005 , Bob Gainey and Trevor Timmins were  ‘ high as kites in a Cheech and Chong movie ‘ as they appraised their young prospect. Aside from his hockey ability , the Habs brass informed us that the young Carey was made of concrete in the nerve department. In other words – nothing fazed the kid from British Columbia. Sometimes it seems – Canadiens’ management is right.

Price started the season with more pressure to explode than a home made volcano primed with baking soda. It appears that Mr. Price has had no problem with replacing the popular Halak and has returned to his pre – NHL form. Facing the Bruins in the playoffs ? No problem ! Correct Carey ? Man of steel nerves …

The Bruins are in trouble .Their foes are much greater than Gionta, Price and Subban. Their enemy is bigger than their captain on a soapbox. If the team from Beantown wants to win this series and continue down the route to Lord Stanley ‘s garage , they must overcome themselves and defeat their demons.

The history of the Canadiens rivalry  is against them . Recent NHL playoff history is against them and their own insecurities are against them. They need to remember who they are and not who they want to be. Once they were up 3 – 0 in game seven against the Flyers last season , they started playing as Stanley Cup finalists . Problem was , they were in the second round . Boston cannot believe the press  stating they are favourites against the Habs . They must play like who they are – a team that won only twice against the Habs all season. They are the underdogs and they must play like it.

Only then will they have a chance to match Washington and Pittsburgh when they hit the golf course and ask themselves ….

” What the f*** just happened ? Didn ‘ t we outshoot them every game ? “

Top Ten Signs Spring Has Arrived in Montreal


The sun is out , the birds are chirping and the sweet scent of dog poop is filling the air. That can only mean one thing …

Spring has arrived .

In case there are those who are in doubt , La Forum de Montreal has sent a reporter to uncover many more signs that spring has indeed arrived in our fair city.

Without further ado …

The Top Ten Signs Spring Has Arrived in Montreal

10. Extra city workers hired to sweep the ‘ usual route ‘ ..

9.  Glare from Stanley Cup rings more prominent in mid – day sun.

8.  Guy Lafleur a little more giddy than usual.

7. Tears from the city of Toronto like a fine mist if the wind blows eastwardly.

6.  Extra riot gear ordered by Montreal police !

5.  Ken Dryden heard singing ‘ six Cups in eight years ‘ over and over again.

4.  Chris Nilan becomes very agitated .

3. Patrick Roy starts ‘ winking ‘ at everyone !

2. Jean Beliveau , Yvon Cournoyer and Henri Richard compare their thirty – one rings !

and the Number One sign that Spring has arrived …

1. The Boston Bruins start booking tee times at their local golf course !

Habs ( Ghosts ) Will Prevail …


Thirty – two times the Habs and the Bruins have met in the post – season . The Habs have won seven Stanley Cups against their rivals . Does anything else matter … ?

Thirty - three and counting ...

Sure the Habs lost 7 – 0 the final time the two teams met in Boston . Sure the Bruins have won two of last three games , outscoring Montreal 15 – 6 in the process . Lest we forget – sandwiched between the pair of Montreal losses was a very convincing 4 – 1 victory in a game that featured the infamous ‘ Chara ‘ incident. Pacioretty was injured in that game after being pushed into the partition by a Chara glove . The incident was deemed a ‘hockey play ‘ by the Three Stooges – aka Gary Bettman , Colin Campbell and Mike Murphy . Chara was not suspended and the Habs did not exact revenge for that hit in the following match . Or did they … ?

Let ‘s look at the facts.

Beatdown ?

In the 8 – 6 loss to the Bruins at the T. D rink ,  the Habs were with the Bruins all the way . What the game came down to was a 2 – 0 loss . This outcome is not something to be ashamed of even if is against the Florida Panthers. That game has been labelled the ‘ beatdown in Beantown ‘ given the amount of penalties and fights that took place . So the Bruins ‘ tough guys outnumber the Habs tough guys . Will that win them a first round series or even a Stanley Cup ? No sir . Not unless your goalie is named Bernie Parent and your leader has a toothless grin . So forget about that game as a point of intimidation for the Bruins .

Next , or suivant as they say in a hot dog line at Le Centre Bell  – is the 7 – 0 loss at the pretend Gah – den.

A Beautiful Rivalry

The first three goals in the game , all Bruins , were fluke . If you looked up the word ‘ oops ‘ in the hockey dictionary – a photo of Carey Price ‘ s ‘ low – lite ‘ reel would surely rise up on your Iphone. The puck deflected off skates , sticks and defencemen . The rubber disc deflected more often than a Barry Bonds response in a perjury trial and it left the Habs down 3 – 0 before a frenchman could pronounce Doug Wickenheiser. The Habs rallied at the beginning of the second period yet the fourth Bruin tally pretty much left them dead on the frozen water. The Canadiens essentially threw in their car flags and the game was over before the third period got underway. Erase those three bouncing goals and the outcome would be akin to Pee Wee Herman erasing his visit to a Porn Theater . Same game , same characters yet a entirely different outcome…

Bostononians on Mushrooms ?

It is entirely possible that the Boston team and their disciples do not view the games in the same light . That is where the Montreal Canadiens have exacted revenge . Call it smoke and mirrors , name it after Muhammed Ali ‘ s famous rope – a – dope . Whatever the label – it is what it is … A false sense of security in the most timely of moments for the fabled Montreal Canadiens.

The series will be starting in Boston . The scene of the caper .

Speed Kills

The home team and it ‘s goons ….er fans , will come out with more hunger than a lion after a long nap . They know they can bang around the much smaller Habs. They are aware that if they can upset a team that took more minor penalties in the regular season than they did – it will allow them an opportunity to fire many shots at the Habs ‘ young netminder. More shots equals more goals and will give them that extra skater known as momentum. This is where the Habs must weather the storm and allow themselves to be pushed around for the first ten minutes of the game . Once the Bruins initial attack has been subdued and the boys from beantown are looking for a Red Sox boxscore – the Habs must then utilize the one weapon that the Bruins do not have . .. Speed.

Once the non – Francophone frenchmen start flyin ‘ , it will be the Bruins who will start to get frustrated and allow the Habs to sign momentum on their team. Chara has shown in the past , Pacioretty incident aside , that he skates a fine line between passion and aggression . Milan Lucic , the Cam Neely of 2010 -11 , has also shown that he can be knocked off his game as a Hab killer quite easily . If the Martin – led Montreal team maintains discipline and sicks Ryan White onto Lucic , a 2 – 0 series lead heading back to the home of twenty – four Stanley Cups is not as crazy as it sounds.

The key to victory , for both teams , is not unlike any other of Bettman ‘ s cap – induced squads . If Carey Price or Tim Thomas falter , then any game plan by Martin or Julien is out of the window and the outcome will be blowing in the Massachusets and Quebec winds. Price has some pressure on his shoulder pads given the recent history and his weak performance in the past playoff games against Boston.

What was it that Price said when the fans were all over him in the pre – season after a terrible outing ? ” Chill – ax ….? ”

Yes Montreal fans – that ‘s what it was .

Habs in five !

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