The Problem with Doan …


Shane Doan is homeless …

The forty year old lifetime member of the Pheonix / Winnipeg franchise, is doing his best to put his skates in a comfortable place.

New York, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh and Montreal are just a few of the stops the Alberta native has made in the past few weeks as he tries to continue his career outside of Phoenix.

Those are just the Eastern cities the father of four has visited.

Fans in San Jose can put aside any dreams of seeing the former captain of team Canada in brilliant Teal this winter. The Sharks are not willing to part with 4.5 million a year, Doan’s apparent asking price. His former squad, the Coyotes, are willing to give their last season’s captain 4 million a season for three years.

There lies the problem …

Doan is a leader with experience. Doan is a battler. Shane Doan does not score forty goals a year.

At his age, a salary of 3 million should be the maximum a team should part with to obtain his services ( that is 2.5 for his association with God and .5 for everything else).

In Habland – Doan is a perfect fit for the way the team is being constructed. Once the P.K Subban issue has been settled, Bergevin will know what monies are  available to sign Doan.

P.K should get 3.5 million for two years and Doan 3 million over the same period. Four year and over contracts are for the Crosbys of the world.

In two seasons, the Habs will either be on top or the bottom. Enough time to see how the new editions are gelling. Doan can teach the Gallaghers and Desharnais while Markov will do the same with the P.Ks and Emelins.

Veterans teaching the rookies, something which has been lost in recent years in Montreal. Doan, despite his loyalty to Phoenix – should jump at the chance to play in a hockey market such as Montreal and enjoy the challenge of teaching some pretty good up and coming talent.

He would also fit in with guys like Gionta and Cole. Players who come from the same ‘ win at all cost ‘ school as him. The same generation.

It is better than being homeless, especially in Montreal.

.

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Round One – Olympic Men’s 100m Video


Athletics – Round 1 – Men’s 100m http://www.ctvolympics.ca

They Tore Down Paradise and Put up a Parking Lot …


No more plaques, no more statues, no more teachers’ dirty looks …

The profs in question will be shoving their disconnected looks the Habs ‘ way instead.

For a franchise whose image lies somewhere between Jeffrey Dahlmer and Mario Tremblay, the announcement of the team tearing down Centennial Plaza in lieu of a condo project is suspect. Sketchy …

Not only are ‘ the corporate Habs ‘ ripping up a celestial cemetery, the accountants are subtracting the hearts of the many fans who aided in the construction of the plaza – brick by brick …

According to Molson – the bricks, bought by fans with personalized messages to commemorate the 100th anniversary of the
team’s final Cup win … ( digress shall we ), will unequivocally be placed in storage until further notice.

Was there a disclaimer involved in the sales receipt when the partisans parted with their pennies to purchase pieces of the plaza? A note stating the bits of nostalgia written from the souls of people from Gaspe to Chilliwack can be moved by the Club de Hockey Canadien …?

If yes – cool!

If the response is no, nada – ‘watcha talkin’ bout Willis?’ – then, in the words of the disco band Shirley and Co.; ‘Shame, shame, shame – shame on you! ‘

Well – watcha goin’ to do?!

The Canadiens used to be the hockey equivalent of ‘ Hey Jude ‘ , ‘Stairway to Heaven‘ or ‘ Satisfaction’. Publicly anyways.
In the days of the typewriter, before the internet made porn a cause for divorce – all the seedy and suspect business or hockey decisions were kept in secrecy.

Guys like Red Fisher were the sole bearers of bad Habs’ moves. More times than not – the news was kept behind closed penalty box doors. If guys like Mr. Fisher wanted access to the team, anything out of the ordinary was kept out of the ordinary press if Fisher wanted to keep his privaleges privileged.

Times have changed. Soooo much!

Loyalty,tradition and honor has been jettisoned from the ship of society so often, the ship sails on filled with greed as the captain and inconsiderate as the first mate.

The majority of the men whose numbers hang from the targets of so much love and adoration at Le Centre Bell, skated a different ice surface. A mirrored canvas, a reflection of a different time. They painted historic statistics with paint brushes filled with the true colors of red, white and blue.

Not the dollar store purchased acrylic colors which the modern – day team has utilized far too often in the past ten years.

The University of Montreal Hockey, the glory and the tradition of the franchise appears to have closed.

School’s out. Forever …

Instinct


In the days of Toe Blake …

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When the Habs were winning championships more often than an overweight man or woman ventures to the fridge for a midnight snack. There were no video reviews. One coach was able to control his players. Goalies, defencemen and the privaleged puck masters had to fend for themselves.

The Rocket through to Lafleur in the seventies did things successfully with a feeling. A gut instinct which made them rise above the hackers and dime-a-dozen players who attempted to thwart their desires of passion and victory.

Instinct was the biggest possible weapon toted through battles large and small.

What stops a man from stealing when he is hungry? Is it fear of the law or something else? Conscience plays a big role part of the time. A regal upbringing in the crown of adolescence. Yet there is something else which shakes the foundations of his moral compass.

Instinct.

Collectively, the city of Montreal, known for its hockey mad denizens, oozed a loud groan when the news of Michel Therrien as the new head coach of the Habs hit the media outlets. Did the majority of the fans not like Therrien’s haircut? Maybe his appearance on RDS ruffled a few fashion feathers? Know what?

None of the above.

When a sound similar to a chipmonk being run over by a mini – van is emitted from the mouths of hockey babes in under a second, a thought process of an Einstein is not taking place.

Ted Williams is not hitting the ball here. It’s Babe Ruth strolling to the plate and smashing common sense right down the throat of Marc Bergevin. Over the fence and into the cheap seats. That is where instinct has landed.

Molson et al do not take up residence in the cheap seats. The ball is too far away to see the scuffs of reasoning. The pine tar excess known as ‘ streetsmarts’.

The guy on the street, the man in the sewers and the gentleman who runs his minor hockey team know. Their brains hardwired to delete the nonsense from their hard drives of life. No grey areas when it comes to red and blue lines in hockey.

Michel Therrien will be relieved of his duties as head coach of the Montreal Canadiens before the team wins another Stanley Cup.

Like the days of Toe Blake …

Goon – A Belated Review


The hype is over.

Finally, a viewing of Jay Baruchel’s film Goon took place. Following months of avoiding any critiques or commentary- fresh is what was required …

Any great movie, book or for that matter – television drama, requires one thing; a good story. Weak characters can walk around yet without a tale which twinkles the toes, weak characters become weaker and non – existent.

Goon is a good story which begs one question. Why didn’t Baruchel go further with it?

All the elements are present in the film. Characters with some depth and background. A plot which is realistic and an opportune time for the film’s message to hit ‘ a theatre near you’!

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Goon spins a yarn of a lost kid. A man – child who is going through life as a bouncer at a bar. A disappointment to his father and a conundrum to his Mom. With the help of his best buddy, he discovers his calling as an enforcer on a hockey team.

Purportedly, this film is based on a true story. It is hard to believe that any team would allow a tough guy with no skating ability onto the ice for a try – out.  (Artistic licence being the key words). What ensues is the man – child beats up half the team, impresses his coach enough to earn private skating lessons with him and ends up ‘ one step from the big leagues’. Hokey yes. Plausible? Scarily – yes!

From the get – go, Barachel conveys the message of the film through blood. The role of a goon in hockey is not pretty and as our lead character demonstrates; not the brightest bulb on the ceiling …

Through fights and bodychecks, Baruchel conveys a memo. What does the post-it say? Not sure …

It carries an anti – goon / tough guy message yet at the same moment, a pro – goon / tough guy message remains on par with the inaugural elbow. Being a goon is embarassing unless the reason is admirable and team oriented. Evolve into a selfish slug and the role should be banned.

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Realistically, these mixed messages are real life issues which hockey fans, players and owners wrestle with every season. For every goon who protects his mate – there skates another goon who gets suspended for doing a goonish thing. These two elements set up climatic foreshadowing and a reason to stay tuned and not run for a DVD of Wayne Gretzky 101.

Amid a subplot of a self – proclaimed ‘slut’ falling for the hero and a ‘Guy Lafleur’ whose confidence is shattered by goonish hockey – Baruchel tosses every type of hockey player imaginable into the fray. The film Slapshot, penned by Nancy Dowd in the mid seventies, ingrained memorable characters into the minds of hockey fans everywhere. Baruchel attempts to do the same with a modern day version.

Unfortunately for native Montrealer Baruchel, the shock value which Dowd had in her corner is no longer shocking to even a ten year old kid in the year 2012. The language which the players use are too over-the-top; even for a hockey player.

The two inane elements of the film are the announcer and the final scene

The play by play guy is a cross between Slapshot’s Jim Carr and a very bad comedian. Baruchel attempted to make him so absurd it would be funny. Instead, the man is so absurd – he should be shot with a puck to the head. Several times every hour.

In lieu of soiling the ending, an ommitance of the grand finale is honoured. If the ending is cool to a viewer then intelligence must be AWOL.

GOON is a microscope on the seedy slide of hockey. A labcoat must be worn to protect against all the blood and the pain a hockey purist must endure.

Baruchel did a fine job penning a movie about the role of the enforcer. Like the role of most ‘goons’, a clearcut idea of their job is a pebble on a frozen pond.

It is probably why Baruchel did not go any deeper … Trying to remove that pebble would cause a huge splash and Baruchel may have drowned in the process.

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Red Fisher’s Top Ten Reasons for Leaving


As most are aware …image

Red Fisher hung up his ‘writing skates’. Mr.Fisher began writing on hockey in 1900, his first story? Guy Lafleur’s great Grandfather’s first goal.

Fisher wrote; ” Damien Lafleur dried out several Indians before finally lifting the cowpuck past an unsuspecting Moose”.

With those words a legacy commenced until the 2012 season.

Here are the top ten reasons Red Fisher decided to quit his post as hockey ‘s greatest sportswriter…

10. Too many Russian names – not enough backspace keys …

9. ‘ If Gauthier speaks to you, and only you’ – it is time to leave!

8. After fifty years, is it too much to ask for the key to the executive washroom?

7. With the addition of Bergevin, Dudley, Mellanby, Brisebois, Lapointe, Lefebvre, Jodoin and Gallant … no way to get quotes since THEY ARE ALL ROOKIES!

6. Really, really wanted Roy to coach!

5. ‘One sec dear …’ Not working with the wife anymore …

4. ‘State of the art glasses’ discontinued by manufacturer.

3. First couple of years bearable but really, the captain of the Canadiens should not have to stand on a box when giving an interview.

2. Hearing aid too strong for Bell Center music …

And the number one reason Red Fisher retired …?

1. Really ‘boring’ since the Kostitsyns left!

Good luck Mr. Fisher – you will be missed!

Hey Mom! Wanna Join the Habs …?


Do too many cooks spoil a broth? Perhaps.

A hockey team? We will see …

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The Montreal Canadiens have hired Sylvain Lefebvre to coach the Hamilton Bulldogs. This former Hab defenceman re- joins Le Club de Hockey Canadien following stints in more cities than a groupie on a good day. No wonder Bergevin hired the dude – the pair can trade tales of suitcase stickers …

Lefebvre was last seen as an assistant coach to Joe Sacco in Colorado. This will be his first head coaching gig and will make him a better candidate to replace Therrien mid- season than his predecessor; Randy Cunneyworth. The Habs have learned something from their past – hire a francophone for the farm team! Nothing like being a boy scout … be prepared is what they teach …

Lefebvre is joined by another former defenceman from Quebec. Martin Lapointe from Red Wings’ fame – has been recruited as the director of player personnel. Lapointe knows Bergevin well and share bieres once in a while.

Bergevin’s motives are clear.

Out with the old regime, in with the new.

Sorta … kinda type thing.

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Aside from Therrien, all the new guys in management are new guys in management; Montreal -wise. Lefebvre was a defenceman in Montreal. Once upon a time, Sylvain was on the same team as Patrice Brisebois. Another defenceman from the team’s past. Brisebois now joins his pal in Montreal once more as director of player personnel in Montreal.

Say what?

Yes – that Brisebois. The Guy who was loved and hated more often than an Adam Sandler character.

Presumably – Brisebois’ racing career is off track. Either that or the man is a glutton for punishment. At least he doesn’t have to touch the Puck and hear the boo – birds call his name everynight. He can hide in his office when things go snakey.

Maybe it is not a question of too many cooks. It comes down to one factor …

How will the Turkey taste?

We will know around Christmas time …

The Cup Won the Kings!


Just like that – the Kings won the Stanley Cup.

Okay, it took a month. After a month – just like that they won the Cup! Okay it took a couple of months … Then, just like that – they won the Cup!

New Jersey was a formidable foe.

Ouch

Unfortunately for the boys from across the Hudson – their trip to the finals was shrouded in a couple of long, tough series. A little fatigue may have resulted in Bernier’s undoing.

If you missed it – Bernier decided to play human missile. He scoped the Kings Scuderi. Placed him directly into his sight lines and took aim. The ‘human torpedo’ worked well.It worked well for L.A.

Seldom in the grand world of hockey is a team given a five minute power play which is not interrupted by a minor during those five minutes. If the entire major is played out – a goal by the team on the power play is a handsome reward. Two goals on the same power play? As lucky as a kiss by the garden gate at midnight. Three goals in a five minute span? Start playing the lottery; a boat sideswiped with vintage champagne is coming your way!

The Kings may want to name their new ship S.S. Stanley …

Quick

If not for the courage of the fearless power play unit; a three hour tour would have been more suspenseful. More nail- biting. More dramatically prepared for an Oscar – winning film. Instead, the script in Tinseltown played out like a spoiled brat movie producer would want it. His way. A Hollywood ending. American film making 101. Late career Brian DePalma- type stuff.

No Scorsese moments for the Devils on this night. No goodfellas to fire tiny bullets into the skates of the deserved Kings. Especially not Jonathan Quick …

Has there been a goalie more deserved of the Conne Smythe trophy since Patrick Roy winked at a King in 1993? Quick was greedy. Quick was thrifty. Quick did everything except jump over a candlestick. He could have done that too …

Les Kings de Los Angeles did not win the Stanley Cup cleanly. If Brown’s knee had been punished against the Coyotes, Phoenix would have been on a power play. Instead, the Kings scored and advanced to the next round. Last night, little Gionta ( the Devil – not the Hab ) was delivered a blow which should have been a penalty. L.A once again dodged the bullet.

A bullet which soared. Piercing the air with streamlined velocity. Invisible in it’s speed as it discovered the target.

Smack in the middle of the New Jersey Devils’ hearts …

Congrats to the champions !

Oh – Oh !


The Devils are at it once again. Just ask the Rangers or the Flyers. Heck, call the Panthers …

Other teams sway. The Devils do not. Their system is relentlessly relentless. The Kings are proving to be the same.

Change the sweaters, a difference would not be noticed. Is that Jonathan Brodeur or Marty Quick? Zachary Brown or Ilya Penner? This final is a throwback to the six team league. Tighter than a girl holding a boy’s hand on fright night at the local movie house. Is it boring, fun or perplexing …?

How about all three.

L.A. won the first two games asleep at the wheel. A start to the finals which everyone hoped was final. A snooze fest. A Nightmare at 103 Elm Street, Newark – New Jersey …

Among the bandwagon- ers in L.A., in front of thousands of spectators who would never know the difference between a frozen pogo and a frozen puck; all that changed. A Jersey squad’s system started to work. A system that does not work with defence. A system that does not win with offence. It’s a system that wins with a rope-a-dope stragedy.

Ali would be proud.

The Devils do not attack a la late eighties Oilers. Parise is no Anderson, Elias is no Messier and Kovalchuk is no Gretzky. What they do is attack like a piranha taunting their foes; one bite at a time …

They nibble until the opposition is tired. The Kings are fed up. Errors will start. Like a dog chained too long – freedom is required, freedom is needed. Frustration becomes the Kings’ enemy. Frustration becomes the Devils’ friend.

Combine all this with the Kings’ sense of slippin’ away, the ‘holding the stick’ too tight, the ‘end this now’ mentality – the Devils are steering the Stanley Cup ride. Fitting that game six is in L.A. This way – Brodeur can win on home ice. In front of the fans which love him dearly. A party which may make his decision to retire that much easier – that much more fun.

This way – Martin Brodeur’s kids can tell their friends; “Daddy’s at it once again …”

Adieu Mon Ami …


Remember as a child …?

Laying in bed, late at night.

The wind from outside causing branches to send hair – raising knocks on the window? Lightning causing the room to light every three minutes with a flash of horror … ?

The world seemed to spin with an intensity that – as a five year old child, seemed too much of a cross to bear. A young heart racing in anticipation of something arriving from the shadows. A demon’s hand removing the safety net a warm blanket provided.

An eternity condensed into a five minute span which clouded visions of innocence into darkened lanes of shadowy depths.

Unable to fend off the tyrannical winds anymore, little feet rise and propel a diminutive body down the hall and into the waiting arms of a comforting caregiver.

In the world of hockey …

Red Fisher was those arms.

Grigorenko is the new ‘Lemieux’


Remember when Mario Lemieux entered the NHL?

Little Mario

A big talented goal – scoring machine. He started scoring and racking up points by the dozens. There was no doubt of his talent. A big draw. Someone who not only filled the Igloo – a skater who filled seats around the NHL.

Mario was a star player with one knock against him. A label which haunted him for the first few years of his career. Until the moment he played alongside Gretzky in the Canada Cup in 1987.

Just like that – Lemieux’s reputation of being ‘lazy’ climbed from the bottom of the character ladder to the shelf above. A storage area marked forever with the word; respect.

In a Canadian kind of way … Mario Lemieux was a pre – cursor to the modern day Russian hockey player.

The New Guy

Grogorenko

Enter an eighteen year year old, six foot three – two hundred pound kid from Russia. A forward recently named the CHL’s player of the year. The award goes to the player who best exemplifies achievement, dedication and sportsmanship to the sport of hockey.

So why does everyone doubt his ability to make it in the NHL? The same reason people once upon an ice surface said Lemieux would never win a Stanley Cup.

“I just want to show them I’m a good guy,” said Grigorenko, a gifted offensive player who has been on the defensive since a poor playoff performance caused his draft stock to fall recently. “I had that question about my work ethic from one team.”

Sound familiar hockey fans?

Lemieux’s size and the way he skated, made him seem ‘lazy’ on the ice. Sometimes a player is cursed by the very God given talent he or she has been born with. A player such as Lemieux and now – Grigorenko, appear like lily pads floating on a frozen pond. It does not matter if the player averages two points a game. Somehow irrelevant if that player wins a scoring race. It’s all about the image. Throw a bit of jealousy into the mix – a negative way to attempt to play hockey and enjoy a love affair with the sport that comes easy.

Grigorenko led the Remparts with 85 points in 59 games during the 2011 – 2012 season. In Lemieux’s third season with Pittsburgh, a season in which the ‘lazy’ tag became the norm, ‘Super Mario’ tabulated 107 points in 63 games. It was the first time in Pittsburgh he finished on the proper side in the +|- column (+13). In three seasons, Mario managed to accumulate 348 points – a half a career for almost every forward to have played the game at a professional level.

Grigorenko is quite capable of obtaining the same numbers as Lemieux in the NHL. Especially since the game has opened up from Mario’s playing days ( imagine the points for Lemieux with no red line?).

First – the Russian has to forget about the naysayers. Guys like Craig Button. A TSN scout who dropped his opinion of Grigorenko. An insight which left the Russian rated twentieth in the upcoming draft ( Button had him sixth in December).Grigorenko must remember it is him and only him who knows what it felt like to play through the lingering symptoms of mononucleosis – an ilness whose effects diminished his play in the Remparts’ playoff collapse.

“They’ve been asking what happened in the playoffs,” Grigorenko said. “I don’t think I had a bad playoff because the first round was good. The first round I had seven points in four games. But after I got mono, I didn’t have lots of energy.”

Grigorenko, who developed a severe fever and had difficulty sleeping, said he probably should not have played. Now, his decision to play is haunting him with every stride. If he were not Russian and a big boy with so much skill – Button would be praising him. Grigorenko is a victim of two types of racism.

An anti – Russian rant caused by the likes of Alexei Kovalev and an anti – big man image brought on by the likes of Mario Lemieux.

As most are aware – ignorance breeds racism. In Lemieux’s time, Mario also dealt with an anti- French sentiment amongst his peers. A double whammy which Mario rose above and conquered to become one of the greatest players in the history of the game.

Grigorenko should give Mario Lemieux a call…

Dudley Do – Right?


If things go wrong, don’t go with them.  ~Roger Babson

Are there any better use of words when describing the Montreal Canadiens’ hiring of Rick Dudley?

Montreal G.M. Marc Bergevin announced the club has signed Dudley to be an assistant G.M. He joins Larry Carriere who the club has announced has returned in the same role ( Carriere was an assistant to Gauthier last season before joining Cunneyworth behind the bench.Another of Gauthier’s ‘make Cunneyworth look like crap’ moves ).

Dudley’s appointment should raise alarms amongst the Habs faithful for several reasons.

If the former hockey playing Sabre and Jet is an astute hockey man as everyone from Stan Bowman to Mats Naslund’s niece’s boyfriend is saying; why in the name of Jocelyn Lemieux has the guy held more jobs with so many organization’s in his post – playing career.

Dudley’s Alma maters?

Is he unlucky? Is he a pain to work with? Does he consistently forget the deodorant at his home each workday … ? Questions that a Canadiens fan should ask. Last season was a disaster in Montreal – what the team and city require is a hose to extinguish the flames. Not a ‘hoser’ to light more fires …

Chicago, Tampa, Florida, Atlanta and Toronto. More stops for Dudley in management positions than an eight year old on a road trip. The most alarming aspect of his actions? Aside from his stint in Chicago under the tutelage of Dale Tallon,there are no banners on his resume. No replica Stanley Cups on his constantly moving furniture.

In this age of transient players, it seems upper and lower management are now joining the gypsy – esque movement. Where is Doug Jarvis at the moment? Anyone aside from his Mom know?

Jarvis – Where are You?

The bright side of the Dudley signing is much better than the dark side. Instead of dwelling on his Toronto team tanking as near as three months ago, Dudley is joining a man who has had success with Dudley in the past. Boss Bergevin and Dudley worked together under Tallon in Chicago.

Judging by Tallon’s success in Florida following one season and his turnaround of a Chicago organization – the man may be voted ‘as the man mostly likely to be Sam Pollock’ by his peers. If indeed the man is so bright and Bergevin is a quick learner – the Habs’ future is bright.

Montrealers can attest to that.

Several people with names like Savard, Lemaire, Robinson, Gainey, Risebrough, Sather and many more – learned by watching Sam Pollock. They watched, they listened and won.

Let’s hope Dudley and Bergevin are good students …

Let us be of good cheer, remembering that the misfortunes hardest to bear are those which will never happen.  ~James Russel Lowell

Molson in Meetings – Roy Out?


Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Or something like that …

According to a source, Montreal Canadiens’ owner Geoff Molson has spent almost the entire past two weeks behind closed doors.

High – security type stuff.

One man is conspicuous with his absence. That man’s name is Patrick Roy.

According to someone whose job allows a view of such comings and goings …Roy of Rempart fame has visited the least amount of times compared to other coaching camdidates. What does that mean?

Depending on a person’s passion, rational thinking and the amount of beers digested after dinner – Roy’s resting in Ste. Foy could dIctate a number of possibilities …

Molson and newly- appointed G.M. Bergevin, may have hired their coach a while ago. These ‘cloak and hockey stick’ meetings – an opportunity to solve different issues. Small matters such as what train to place Scott Gomez on, how to keep Grigorenko away from future KHL visitors and Carey Price far as possible from buckin’ broncos …

For argument’s sake, if Patrick or anyone else has been hired as the Habs’ new leader; why allow a distraction when important issues such as draft day approaches. Especially if their man is Roy. The phone would be ringing more often in Molson and Bergevin’s office than a pleasant pizza joint with a half- priced pepperoni pizza on sale.

Who needs that when Rene Bourque is AWOL and Tomas Kaberle added an offspring to the world who just may grow into another … well, Kaberle!

L’absence de Roy could also imply the team is still looking for the perfect candidate to raise the team to new heights. Although, no candidates have passed before Molson in person for at least a week.

Could Bergevin and Molson be smarter than your average Belarusian brother? Are they speaking to their new coach via Skype? Plotting strategy and making a draft plan to suit the new bosses’ needs … ?

Given the Montreal Canadiens’ recent success with a ‘tight- lipped’ mentality, a fan of the team can only hope for one thing;

Silence is golden …

Coyote Pretty …


Want to impress a girl in Montreal?

Pick her up and take her to dinner. Gas plus a decent meal? $50.00 minimum.

Want to really impress her? Take her to a Habs game before the second week of the season while the team is still in the playoff hunt.

Ticket prices? $200.00 for a pair of Not-so-prime. Minimum…

Thirsty? Beer?

$10.00 each and depending on the weight of your date … $100.00 to have a chance of switching sports and hitting second base later in the evening.

Wait … ! Food is good to demonstrate you are up on nutrition. How’s about a nice salad for her pretty palate? That’s another $8.00 and $16.00 if you don’t want to steal from her.

So. How is the debit card holding up? Need to mortgage your mansion by now?

The total is $116.00 and the players, don’t forget, appear like tiny mice from atop the CN Tower. This price does not include parking, programs, souvenirs and tips. Add the minimum to the $116.00 – an additional $350.00 to fornicate is not bad. After all, a high priced hooker kills an hour of your time. A hockey game, sixty minutes dragged into a three hour affair.

Condoms? The best deal of the night. Free from an ugly friend or two dollars from an ugly depanneur clerk. Away you go …

Another $10.00 in gas for the ride home. Total = $612.00

The solution?

A playoff ticket in Phoenix is $59.00 U.S. Your date in Arizona will pay the rest.

You are Canadian …

Game On!


It has come down to this …

Winner takes all. For the loser – well, there really is no cryin`in baseball or hockey … 

The Capitals and the Rangers – two teams that may as well play against a mirror. The Caps, once upon a Halak were not like this. They were the wannabe Oilers of the 2000`s. A high – powered,  Ovechkin – led, scoring team capable of handing a team a big loss. Then – something changed.

They lost when it counted most. They peetered instead of puttering. They zigged instead of `’Jagr – ing’. Their goalies suffering at times, the curse of Pelle Lindbergh

Hello Dale Hunter – bye bye Boudreau.

Who would have thunk, a guy who was known for his fists rather than his Freudian mind would have taken a Washington team to the brink of the final four.  Hockey`s Conference finals …

The Caps bought in to the system, Hunter did not balk at Ovechkin`s stance. Alex and guys like Green and Semin, must have realized the Cup waits for noone and it certainly would not wait for them. Then there was Holtby

Would the Caps have ventured further than a boy on a first date without the heroics of their rookie netminder? Probably not. They would have died quicker than a fish out of water. Hunter`s system screams patience and for it to work, key saves need to be made.

No different than the Ranger team.

Talkin“bout the Boys from New York City

Defence -first, non- selfish play is what any team requires to make the dancefloor and compete for the pretty girl. In this case – the Stanley Cup.

Love him or hate him, Torterella convinced the Rangers of this fact before most other teams this year. The Rangers were playing the system before the system played teams like the Flyers and Canucks.

Lundqvist is being staunchy, Callahan is leading as a captain should and Ryan McDonagh is making Gainey queasy with his play. Who will win tonight and look for what is behind curtain number three?

The team who allows the least amount of goals …

It all comes down to that …

A Fly on the Wall …


The setting – a cozy den…

An elderly yet youthful man sits in a chair and thinks for a moment. Hockey souvenirs adorn the dim lit ambiance, creating a sparkling effect  as the light caroms off of gold and silver picture frames. 

The light also reflects off the balding man’s head as he gazes at the phone that lay just beyond his Stanley Cup – ringed fingers. The plush green chair on which he sits – providing comfort in an otherwise uncomfortable situation. He reaches for the phone and presses the digit one. Automatically – numbers are dialled. The man waits as the ringing commences.

It is 10:30 pm on a Wednesday evening …

“Hello … ? ” The voice responds curiously on the other end.

“Larry … ? It’s Coco … !” Says the man as he stands and starts to pace.

” Jacques? Is everything okay?” At which point a ladies’ voice can be heard in the background of the recipient’s home.  ”It’s just Jacques – Jacques Lemaire … go back to sleep honey.”

” I hope I am not disturbing you?” Says Lemaire in a quiet tone.

” No – no problem Jacques. What’s up?” Asks Larry Robinson curiously.

” Larry, I was thinking of taking the head coaching job in Montreal. I would want you to join me as my assistant.”

For a few moments there is silence …

” Seriously Jacques …? ” I thought you did not like working in the fishbowl that is Montreal? Why the change of heart?”

“Well Larry – the situation in Montreal is bad. It pains my heart to see the organization that meant so much to me and millions of others suffering so much. I mean, you and I and guys like Kenny and Serge helped build a legacy. In the past few years – it has become a joke. Now that the Molson family is back and they hired Marc as the G.M – I believe we can win fairly quick with this team.”

Once again – there is silence. It is obvious to Lemaire, Robinson is thinking seriously.

” I agree Jacques …it hurts me too. But remember, Bob went back for the same reasons. He went back and turned that team into a playoff team and look what happened? The pressures and the insane media turned him into a different person. Suddenly, he was making all these poor decisions …?”

“Don’t forget Larry.. ” Lemaire pauses to cough. ” Bob had to deal with the craziness of the centennial celebrations, players like Kovalev and Komasarek and most importantly – the death of his daughter; Laura. Don’t forget, Bob gave the reins to Gauthier when he took care of the funeral and it was Gauthier who did not like McDonagh. Bob would never have thrown Ryan into the mix.”

” I realize that Jacques. What about the way the organization treated us …? ” Robinson excuses himself and takes a sip of something. ” They knew it meant a lot to me for my Dad to see my sweater number retired …! They could have done it while he was alive. I mean it’s not that they were not going to do it …?”

” Yes I know Larry. That was not nice on their behalf. C’mon let bygones be bygones – you can work with a great young core of defence men in Montreal. You can turn P.K into a Norris trophy winner for God’s sake!” Lemaire voice gets excited. ” They have a great first line with Cole, Pacioretty and Desharnais. Gionta is a great leader, Eller will be great and they have a number three pick in the draft! Add this to guys like Leblanc and White …White Larry …? You gotta love the kid’s spunk! He’s another Knuckles? Larry – we can do this!”

” Jacques …Jacques …calm down for a second.” Robinson says firmly.

” You are right Larry. Sorry – this team excites me with the possibilities!” Lemaire’s voice remains enthusiastic.

” Jacques. Do you realize the Montreal Canadiens retired Patrick’s number?

” Of course I do Larry – don’t be silly! Who doesn’t? ” Lemaire chuckles.

” Jacques, in your career you amassed 835 points in 853 games. You won eight Stanley Cups with the team. You are one of only six NHL players in history to score two Cup winning goals. You have won two Jack Adams trophies as coach of the year along with another Cup. Heck you won a Gold Medal in the Olympics as coach and for God’s sake Jacques – you even have an arena named in your honour in Lasalle?!” Robinson is obviously agitated.

” Um … thanks for the recap Larry!” Lemaire laughs. ” What’s your point?”

” Don’t you think the Montreal Canadiens should retire your number first?”

” Good point Larry …good point! Goodnight and thank you!”

Le Forum de Montreal … Hockey Party?


I want to thank everyone who reads my site and for making my endeavor to get hired somewhere, as pleasant and rewarding as possible.

To thank people, I would like to organize a hockey get together for the first game of the finals. Beer, food and my sense of humor – what could possibly go wrong?

For this to happen, I require at least 15 people to commit in the next week. If such an evening of pucks is close to your hockey heart; please leave me a message in my email. The National Hockey League has set start dates for the Stanley Cup Final.

If both conference finals end in sweeps, the Cup Finals will begin Thursday, May 28. If either series is extended past four games, the Cup Finals will start Friday, June 5.

If you would like to donate something as a prize or you have an organization that could benefit from the evening – I.e Children’s Wish Foundation, contact me at;

Keenerick@hotmail.com

In the ensuing week – I will have an answer as to how many people are interested. I will commence to organize a night completed with live entertainment, prizes, trivia and at least one famous person from Montreal sports ( aside from me );)

Kid Mercury – the Canadiens’ trumpeter and mascot before Youppi, will be in attendance to dazzle you with his magic tricks and tales from the past. Stories from the Expos as well as the Habs!

Hope this happens and thanks again for your support.

Sincerely,

Rick Keene

Top Ten ‘ Things to Do ‘ List for Marc Bergevin


Les Canadiens de Montreal announced after many days of agonizingly slow speculation – Marc Bergevin is the new G.M of the hockey club.

Bergevin’s job will not be easy.

He grabs the reins of a franchise that need to rebuild their on – ice as well as their off – ice product. The organization has also taken many blows to their image. A fact that leaves the new G.M with plenty to do.

Thanks to some spies, here now is a copy of Marc Bergevin’s top ten things to do list;

10. Revoke Pierre Gauthier’s grandmother’s press pass.

9. Send Youppi for a makeover session. His hair colour? Top priority.

8. Elevate Bob Gainey‘s retired number a little higher to the rafters and – in turn … out of the general public’s sight lines.

7. Cancel monthly payments on Scott GomezAnthony Robbins motivational tapes.

6. Paint the exterior of the Bell Center a more friendly, ‘ welcoming ‘ shade of blue.

5. Find out how tall Brian Gionta really is …?

4. Make room in garage for the Molson beer delivery that is arriving on Monday.

3. Using Chicago connections – find out if Chris Chelios holds a grudge and if not, does he still have interest in playing?

2. Those kids that skate around just before the Habs take the ice? Call their parents and instill a 5 pm curfew.

Finally, upon seeing the work that lay before him, Marc Bergevin’s number one ‘ thing to do ‘ ?

1. Call Stan Bowman to see how far the bridge was burned behind him!

Why the New York Rangers won’t win the Cup and Rick’s Picks – Round Two


Require sound advice …? Need a shoulder to cry on …?

Rick Keene is the wrong guy!

Two wins and six losses with picks in the first round is a statistic normally reserved for a baseball pitcher with a bad defence behind him. ‘ The only way out is up ‘ to quote a hibernating bear.

Round One was filled with a couple of upsets, a lot of fights, more goals than an ambitious banker and an unpaid hooker ( oops was that out loud)?

How will round two play out and will Rick Keene redeem his integrity coupons …?

Eastern Conference Round Two

 Rangers          Capitals

Two teams playing the same type of hockey from polar opposite positions. The Rangers finished first – the Capitals seventh. The Rangers are not known for putting the puck in the net and rely on a four line sweep. Everyone is contributing and when there is a weakness – goalie Lundqvist shuts the Swedish door. Caps’ net minder Holtby is playing above his years and the rookie has enabled his squad to advance to round two.

Holtby cracking or Ovechkin awakening are the two factors that matter most. Ovechkin is a dormant animal and he will come alive if the fire in his eyes stays lit from his post – game interview after ousting the Bruins. The Caps have the edge with their superior scoring power. This ain’t Alfredsson’s team.

Capitals in seven.

   Devils                  Flyers

The Flyers will struggle to gain emotion after a spiritually draining victory over the Penguins. Philly goalie Bryzgalov will need to be on the top of his game early  as the Devils will be in top gear. If Bryzgalov cannot hold them off and the series heads to N. J. with the Devils up by a couple of games – the Flyers’ dream could end.

The Flyers have Claude Giroux and the forward appears on a mission to be included in the elite Crosby – Malkin club. Giroux will not let the Flyers sag too low and he can turn a game around with one shift as he did against Pittsburgh. The Flyers have too much depth and talent for the Devils to handle and Brodeur is not twenty years old anymore .

Flyers in Five

Western Conference

  Coyotes                  Predators

Can two teams with similar logos compete in the NHL? The answer is yes and no. One will be eliminated and in this case it will be the team with teeth in it’s logo that lives to bite another day. Unless …

Gary Bettman and his cronies own the Coyotes. H’owns …h’owns …

( Slapshot officiandos – you are welcome). If the Coyotes advance all the way to the .. gulp .. finals – Bettman will be howling all the way to the bank. Say it ain’t so Joe Murphy!

The Preds have the edge hockey-wise and goalie – wise, especially if ex – Hab Hal Gill is playing. The defencman’s experience in the playoffs is a gem in the treasure chest of Nashville‘s hunt for the Cup. A younger troupe also tilts the ice in Nashville favour and Pekka Rinne is that much better than Mike Smith. Rinne also has a much cooler name …! Uma – Pekka, Pekka – Uma …

Predators in Six

     Kings                        Blues

Once again – a regal battle between two squads that are equally – matched. Great coaching balanced by four great lines will get results. Both teams are long suffering Stanley – less skaters and their home crowds will attempt to hex the opposing teams.

Advantage to St. Louis for having Elliot and Halak in goals. Elliot will start and if he falters, Halak will be healthy enough to stop the Quick – need Kings.

St . Louis in Six

As I said; Rick Keene is the wrong guy …

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Mr. Elmer Lach


Mr. Elmer Lach recently dropped the puck at the Pointe Claire Oldtimer’s Tournament.

At ninety – four years young, Elmer is the oldest remaining person to have played for the Canadiens and the last surviving member of the famous Punch Line. That line consisted of himself, Toe Blake and Maurice ( the Rocket ) Richard.

Please enjoy these photos of an icon … How many people do you know can say they passed to and received a puck from the Rocket!

Rick Keene and Elmer Lach

All photos property of Rick Keene

except the final one which is linked to the photographer.

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