Forget the Beer – A White Russian Please …?


It has been a long time since the Montreal Canadiens got drunk. 

Sure the team , or rather – the players , are out and about partying. Sure there have been many nights when Les Habitants have been spotted in the city ‘ s clubs. Drinking, carrying on and being ‘ boys ‘. The Canadian Canadiens drink beer, the American Habs drink shots, the Europeans down wine and the Russians drink Vodka.  Following a convincing 4-1 win in Vancouver last night , the team woke up with a hangover . The  benefits of a White Russian

The Habs have had  a few white russians skating the Bell Center since their star defenceman ; Andrei Markov , disappeared into the boards an eternity ago. Kostitsyn – Andrei,  was the main guy yet in the words of ‘ The Dude ” in the Big Lebowski ;  Hey, careful, man, there’s a beverage here! “

More times than not , brother Andrei – despite his size , skated like prized china in a bull shop. Kostitsyn played like so many Russians once they were given money and cars to play in the NHL. Flashes of skill dotting intermittent flashes of brilliance spawned by special talent. This is where Markov separates himself from the мужчины (muzhchíni).

In a ten year career in Montreal, the good brother Andrei – has seldom taken a shift off. He is the type of player who loves to play hockey and tries to improve with every game. Few players in the history of our glorious sport have skated with a sixth sense. ‘ Eyes in the back of Gretzky’s head ‘ type of guys. The men who skate with NHL boys. The individuals who are above the pettiness of wondering how to skate, pass or shoot. Instead they are thinking what happens if – what happens when – what happens …?

Lemieux of the Mario kind had it. His pal in Pittsburgh – Jaromir ( move like Jagger ) had it. A Concussed Crosby hopefully still has it. The shame with Andrei Markov is that no one save for a few individuals ” got ” what  Markov had over the years in a Habs uniform.

Mr. Markov returned to the mix last night on a team that has played like a bunch of drinking boys at a frat party trying to pick up chicks.  Sometimes they hit , sometimes they got lucky yet more often than not – they went home empty-handed. One hand was what they used on too many evenings as the members of the Habs lay in their beds. Alone. Despondent. Dreams of the playoffs – nightmares of the worse kind.

Is Markov ‘s return to the Canadiens at such a time the proper decision ? Why risk an injury with just over ten games left in a season that is headed nowhere fast ? Another four months of a steady rehabilitation process surly the proper recipe for a tasty white russian ?

According to Markov himself – and any great athlete will concur ; it is time to play or craziness will set in. This is what separates a great player from the Alexandre Daigles of the world. Markov’s itchiness is the same itchiness which had him injured in the first place. Competiveness is the name for Markov’s infliction and it is something that will not go away. It is what got him to the NHL and it is what made him rise to the top echelons of the defensive core in the entire league.

Markov is making more money than an entire continent of Russian militia. Andrei is aware that pundits, fans and general managers across the league believe that Pierre Gauthier is doing crack in his high – rise office. They believe Gauthier erred on the side of crack-tion by signing Andrei to a three year deal . A huge contract signed by a limping Markov.

Markov is not playing to aid Gauthier’s public image. The thirty – four year old from Voskresensk, Russia is not playing because he has grown tired of the Habs head athletic therapist Graham Rynbend. Andrei Markov is playing because he can.

Lets hope the team continues to get drunk …

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Where Are They Now ? Part One


Logo used (1917-19, 1921-22)

Image via Wikipedia

Le Forum de Montreal has decided to look up some of the hockey players that are not playing hockey for the Montreal Canadiens anymore. Just to see  what they are up to …?

These players were once embedded deep in out hearts and were an intricate part of our daily lives. Why forget about them after all that …?

Some have been hard to find while others – as easy as stopping a Rick Green snapshot ! This is who we have discovered so far …

The Players

 
Andrei Kostitsyn 
 
Andrei fell on hard times once he stopped skating for le bleu, blanc et rouge. Due to his monthly payments to the Russian mob – Andrei was forced to move in with his brother Sergei in Nashville. Following several fights related to his absolute disliking of country music – Andrei has been allocated to taking out the trash while he serves the remaining time in his house -arrest sentence. Unfortunatley for Andrei , his state-of-the-art toupee will have to wait due to financial reasons.
 
Lars Eller
 
Eller was able to grab a job at the local Tim Horton‘s due to his easy-going personality. The patrons that come and go at the drive through window – love hearing tales of his four-goal night. There are also rumors that Lars is making extra cash on the side selling t-shirts of his exploits as a Canadien. Eller ‘ s best customer is former Hab – Jaroslav Halak.
 
Scott Gomez
 
Scott did not have it easy once his playing career was over. He modeled hat ware for a while before landing a job in his native Alaska as a geography teacher for Sarah Palin. Word on the street is Palin gets a kick from rubbing Gomez’ head every morning for 
 ’ good luck’ ! Mr. Gomez did get in a little trouble before he left the organization and was escorted out of the Bell Center for throwing pucks at Bob Gainey and yelling …” You ruined my career you defensive -minded snot …!” 
 
Brian Gionta
 
The little American eased into his new position as an adviser for Brendan Gallagher – the Habs’s hot prospect. Brian spent a good three months helping Brendan shop for items that will help Gallagher in his NHL career. Items such as Dr. Sholl’s five inch skate inserts and  a book written by Yvon Cournyoyer titled ‘ How to survive in a land of giants ‘. Gionta is said to be pleased with his new role …
 
 
Max Pacioretty
 
Max had a very hard time adjusting to his life after hockey. He spent the better part of five years ‘ soul-searching’ in Tibet. Befriended by a little-known monk by the name of Tokyo Joe – Pacioretty found new purpose in his life teaching Joe and the rest of the monks how to play hockey. Max’s ‘ team ‘ went on to win a championship in the National Buddhist League and Pacioretty was honored for introducing padding that wrapped around the religious stanchions. No word if the Molsons are planning a court case …
 
David Desharnais
 
David was quickly recruited for work once he stopped playing. The Parti Quebecoise signed on the tiny frenchman to police the language laws in the NHL. Some of Desharnais’ duties ; making sure Vincent Lecavalier watches two hours of L’Anti-chambre every night, verifying that Gary Bettman manufacturers the proper use of the accent aigu on official documents and giving french lessons to all the Montreal Canadiens’ coaches- past and present. David also has a new video in stores ; ‘ Vive les Canadiens Libre !’
 
Rene Bourque
 
Bourque’s career ended almost as quickly as it started with the Habs. A good -looking dude, Rene caught on very quick as a dancer at Club 281 . He slipped rather eloquently into his new role as Tarzan; King of the Well-Endowed. The only downside to Bourque’s new job ? Getting suspended once a week for elbowing coworkers with bigger penises than him …
 
Stay tuned as we attempt to track down as many ex-Habs we can find …
 
Meanwhile – check out Kevin and the boys at Habs Eye on the Prize , the Hockey Writers and Knuckles Nilan. They will fill you in about STUFF !
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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