Top Ten ‘ Things to Do ‘ List for Marc Bergevin


Les Canadiens de Montreal announced after many days of agonizingly slow speculation – Marc Bergevin is the new G.M of the hockey club.

Bergevin’s job will not be easy.

He grabs the reins of a franchise that need to rebuild their on – ice as well as their off – ice product. The organization has also taken many blows to their image. A fact that leaves the new G.M with plenty to do.

Thanks to some spies, here now is a copy of Marc Bergevin’s top ten things to do list;

10. Revoke Pierre Gauthier’s grandmother’s press pass.

9. Send Youppi for a makeover session. His hair colour? Top priority.

8. Elevate Bob Gainey‘s retired number a little higher to the rafters and – in turn … out of the general public’s sight lines.

7. Cancel monthly payments on Scott GomezAnthony Robbins motivational tapes.

6. Paint the exterior of the Bell Center a more friendly, ‘ welcoming ‘ shade of blue.

5. Find out how tall Brian Gionta really is …?

4. Make room in garage for the Molson beer delivery that is arriving on Monday.

3. Using Chicago connections – find out if Chris Chelios holds a grudge and if not, does he still have interest in playing?

2. Those kids that skate around just before the Habs take the ice? Call their parents and instill a 5 pm curfew.

Finally, upon seeing the work that lay before him, Marc Bergevin’s number one ‘ thing to do ‘ ?

1. Call Stan Bowman to see how far the bridge was burned behind him!

Pierre Gauthier’s Top Ten Job Possibilities


The man whose nickname is ‘ the ghost ‘ has become transparent in Montreal.

The former General Manager of the Montreal Canadiens has been relieved of his duties and in turn – has relieved millions of Hab fans .

The Ghost

What is next for Pierre Gauthier ? Will he be okay?

Le Forum de Montreal has learned – Mr. Gauthier has received several employment offers and has a few ideas of his own. There is no need for anyone to fret over the well – being of Pierre …

Here now are the top ten job possibilities for ‘the ghost’…

10. Greeter at Wall- mart .

9. President of the music group Mister – Mister’s fan club.

8. Just a rumor yet he is being considered to replace Pee Wee Herman at the Playhouse.(negotiations on hold over his refusal to stay away from porn movie theaters ).

7. Bob Gainey’s neighbor in the re- make of the Home Improvement television show.

6. General Manager of the newly – formed Mime Hockey Club.

5. The lead role of Pythagoras in the upcoming movie adaptation of a play by the same name.

4. P.A announcer at wrestling matches … Let’s get ready to … Oh, never mind …

3. Stand – in for Silent Bob in the upcoming movie ; Jay and Silent Bob meet Sid the Kid.

2. Kid Mercury’s assistant ; you know … The one that gets sawed in half …

And the number one job possibility for Pierre Gauthier … ?

1. Player agent for Scott Gomez !

————————————-


Trade Deadline Update


Pierre Gauthier has been a busy guy …

Rick Nash, born June 16, 1984 in Brampton, Ont...

Thanks to a few ‘ spies’ , here is what Gauthier was up to yesterday as he places all his energy into improving Le Club de Hockey Canadien

9am – Places call to his tailor ( after all – it is better to look good than to feel good).

9 : 30am – Tries in vain to get Bob Gainey‘s advice regarding the colour of tie he should wear.

10:00am – Calls up the Columbus Blue Jackets and hears only laughter when offering up Scott Gomez for a skate sharpening machine

10:30am – Decides on an early lunch.

11:00am – Attempts to trade his chicken sandwich for a tuna melt . Chef laughs in his face.

11:30am – Gainey calls back and suggests black.

12:00pm – Calls up Scott Gomez and hears only laughter.

12:30pm – Misses his cab as he is distracted by angry mob outside his front door.

1:00pm – Columbus calls back asking if Subban has life insurance policy and if so – is he available?

1:30pm – Calls up Carolina to see how long Kirk Muller‘s contract is …

2:00pm – Calls up Tampa to see how long Boucher‘s contract is …

2:30pm- Calls March Recchi to say hi and see what he is doing these days.

3:00pm – Carolina calls back – Gauthier  must keep the receiver from his ear as the laughing is deafening.

3:30pm – Decides on an early supper.

4:00pm – Is denied entry to all of Montreal’s finest restaurants.

4:30pm – His tailor calls back suggesting an all black suit – you know , the kind they wear at funerals …

5:00pm – Tampa calls back – Again the laughter is deafening !

5:30pm – Calls it a day !

* Stay tuned for an interview with an iconic Montreal sports figure and Expos memories Part Two !

NHL Trade Rumors: Columbus Blue Jackets Players Preparing for Busy Deadline Day (bleacherreport.com)

French, Gainey, Gomez and Hockey Quotes …


Les Canadiens sont ‘ all over the place ‘ …

They score they don’t score – it is a perplexing situation.

Listening to the French talk shows ( radio), all the blame of the season gone bad rests upon Mr. Bob Gainey. According to them – Gainey ( an Anglo) ruined the team by making trades that were not only bad hockey ones yet bad French ones at that.

Gainey would agree that some of the deals he made were horrible. Gomez here and Ribiero in Dallas alone were terrible. The French folks are somehow making this mess into a French – English debacle. How could we get rid of all the Quebecers? Mon dieu …!

What les French people are omitting is the reason for some of the native – Quebecer’s departure. Jose Theodore was partying too much and not being discreet about it. Pierre Dagenais and the third amigo, Mike Ribiero – ditto. Gainey had no choice to rid the team of these guys. The players he received in return – are and were busts. What GM in the league has not been burnt by players that did not live up to their potential? Out of thirty teams -
maybe Ken Holland in Detroit. That’s it – that’s all !

What the French media is also hiding is how the team got into this mess to begin with. Bob Gainey arrived as GM to a Canadien squad that was fresh off of missing the playoffs two of three years. He made them respectable again and save for this year – a playoff team. All this with Montreal teams that were snakebitten. Markov and Koivu , the team’s biggest stars – victims of the worse cases of bad luck in the NHL. Add to the mix losing the most man games to injury in 2009, Gainey’s tenure was not lucky …

Gainey took an organization that was ruined by Francophones and repaired it.

Ronald Corey ( a francophone) hired Rejean Houle ( a francophone) and Mario Tremblay ( a francophone ) to run the team. These three guys traded their star francophone and franchise player ( Patrick Roy ) away for nothing. These ‘ trois gens’ made decisions,trades and draft picks that left the team a non – playoff one for Gainey to translate into a contender. Which Gainey did even though he was dealing with personal issues ( the death of his daughter) that a person in a less stressful position would have problems dealing with.

Pierre Gauthier ( a francophone) takes over and promptly makes bad decisions. Ridding the team of two veteran defenceman ( Spacek and Hamrlik) , signing Markov to a multiple – year
deal and not having the balls to send Gomez to Hamilton. To name a few …

Star players ( francophone or not ) , do not want come and play for Montreal because of the annoying French media. Lecavalier, St.Louis and Gagne. Just three of the many francophones who would rather tan under the American soleil than bask in the Canadien’s limelight.

The French media are correct. It is a French – English thing. Now they must look in the mirror and sign up for Englsh classes. After – all , it is the Anglophones that have won the most Cups in management positions in Montreal.
————————————
You gotta feel for Scott Gomez.

Bed Time for Bonzo ?

Carey Price is right when he says that his teammate is human and deserves encouragement right now. It is not Gomez’ fault that Sather inked him to a huge contract and Gainey took it on. Everyone down to a gas station employer would have signed a larger contract knowing well that he / she would be overpaid.

Gomez , to relieve the pressure, should come out and say publicly that he is not worth the cash and take a pay cut. Something, anything to relieve the pressure so he can enjoy the game again.
————————————-
On a lighter note …..

“Hockey is the only job I know where you get paid to have a nap on the day of the game – Chico Resch
”We take the shortest route to the puck and arrive in ill humor.” – Bobby Clarke
”You miss 100% of the shots you never take.” – Wayne Gretzky
”I don’t like hockey. I’m just good at it.” – Brett Hull
”Playing goal is like being shot at.” – Jacques Plante
”I skate to where the puck is going to be, not to where it has been.” – Wayne Gretzky
“”Half the game is mental, the other half is being mental.” – Jim Mckenny
If you’ve only got one day to live, come see the Toronto Maple Leafs. It’ll seem like forever. ” Unknown.
“I can’t hear what Jeremy is saying, my two Stanley Cup rings are blocking my ears.” Patrick Roy.
”I know my players don’t like my practices, but that’s OK because I don’t like their games.” – Harry Neale.
”Hockey is like a disease, you can’t really shake it.” – Goaltender Ken Wregget
By the age of 18, the average American has witnessed 200,000 acts of violence on television, most of them occurring during Game 1 of the NHL playoff series.  ~Steve Rushin
How would you like a job where, every time you make a mistake, a big red light goes on and 18,000 people boo?  ~Jacques Plante
Street hockey is great for kids.  It’s energetic, competitive, and skillful.  And best of all it keeps them off the street.  ~Author Unknown

English: Wayne Gretzky Drive roadsign.

Image via Wikipedia

Don’t go through life without goals.  ~Hockey Saying
All hockey players are bilingual.  They know English and profanity.  ~Gordie Howe
I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out.  ~Rodney Dangerfield
We get nose jobs all the time in the NHL, and we don’t even have to go to the hospital.  ~Brad Park
“When I was a kid, I used to pray the Lord to make me a Hockey player. But I forgot to mention the NHL, so I spent 16 years in the minors!” Don Cherry
“In Canada, you’re not a hockey player until you’ve lost some teeth.”
Andy Bathgate

Go Habs Go !

Where are they now? Part Four


They were loved.

They took that love and tossed it aside like the butt of a Gitane brand cigarette.

Where are they now?

Here – in this final segment of Le Forum de Montreal’s investigative report,are the remaining players and coaches that were once part of les Canadiens de Montreal.

The Players
Carey Price

Price’s cowboy ways paid off quickly. Along with ex- Flyer goalie Ilya Bryzgalov, the duo were signed on to star in the sequel to Brokeback Mountain.Two weeks into filming – Price stomped off the set in a fit of rage.Said Price when prompted for a sound bite …? ” I could handle the caressing and even the kissing.When Ilya started to tell me that my eyes reminded him of a sunset on Mars – I’m sorry , that crossed the line! That guy is just plain nuts ….” Price’s lawyers offered no comment as to his immediate future.

Yannick Weber

Weber was lost. He moved in with Mark Streit for a while yet that turned sour when Weber ate all of former Hab Streit’s Toblerone.Luckily for Yannick, he encountered a homeless man by the name of Milbury. The pair nursed one another back to emotional health when Milbury suddenlytraded Weber for an old sock and some cheese. The trade may effect the alleys of Montreal for many, many years to come.

Peter Budaj

‘Sneaky Pete ‘ Budaj was tired of being a back – up goaltender. He moved to India and became the only goalie in the Pakistan Central League. Following a fifty – two game schedule in which he appeared as the starter for both teams in every game – Peter was rushed to the hospital to treat dehydration and depression. The Doctor ‘ s advice to Budaj? ” Sometimes it is not good to wish for certain things …”

Petteri Nokelainen

The Finnish player turned to fellow country man Jari Kurri for advice following his abrupt departure from the Habs. Some may say bad luck yet Petteri’s fall into the underbelly of the Finnish mob was startling!Aside from his duties of collecting money from ex – Oiler Essa Tikanen – Nokelainen is the go- to guy for an Abba cover band.

Management and Coaching Staff
Randy Cunneyworth

Cunneyworth was relieved to be out of the pressure cooker known as the Bell Center.Because of his marine – like looks, Randy signed on with the Canadian Military. In a surprising turn of events which left the optimistic Cunneyworth at a loss for words – Randy was shipped to France and was placed as an arbitrator between the non – Francophone soldiers and the country’s denizens. His time behind the bench in Montreal made him a perfect candidate according to Stephen Harper.

Larry Carriere and Randy Ladouceur

Who cares …?

Pierre Gauthier

The ghost fled an uprising in Montreal and barely escaped with his life. Gauthier was working as a cattle farmer in Poland yet was also run out of town forcattempting to trade a cow for a duck – straight up! Reports have him living in Mexico at Graham James recently vacated apartment.

Bob Gainey

Gainey was not as lucky as his counterpart. The savage crowd took Mr.Gainey to a room in the basement of Le Centre Bell, taped his mouth and tied him to an unsold seat from the old Montreal Forum. Gainey was forced to watch each and every Scott Gomez shift as a Montreal Canadien. Insiders say that Gainey died a slow and painful death.

As usual – Habs Eye on the Prize , the Hockey Writers and Knuckles will shed some light on all things pucked – up !

———————————————————————

Where Are They Now ? Part One


Logo used (1917-19, 1921-22)

Image via Wikipedia

Le Forum de Montreal has decided to look up some of the hockey players that are not playing hockey for the Montreal Canadiens anymore. Just to see  what they are up to …?

These players were once embedded deep in out hearts and were an intricate part of our daily lives. Why forget about them after all that …?

Some have been hard to find while others – as easy as stopping a Rick Green snapshot ! This is who we have discovered so far …

The Players

 
Andrei Kostitsyn 
 
Andrei fell on hard times once he stopped skating for le bleu, blanc et rouge. Due to his monthly payments to the Russian mob – Andrei was forced to move in with his brother Sergei in Nashville. Following several fights related to his absolute disliking of country music – Andrei has been allocated to taking out the trash while he serves the remaining time in his house -arrest sentence. Unfortunatley for Andrei , his state-of-the-art toupee will have to wait due to financial reasons.
 
Lars Eller
 
Eller was able to grab a job at the local Tim Horton‘s due to his easy-going personality. The patrons that come and go at the drive through window – love hearing tales of his four-goal night. There are also rumors that Lars is making extra cash on the side selling t-shirts of his exploits as a Canadien. Eller ‘ s best customer is former Hab – Jaroslav Halak.
 
Scott Gomez
 
Scott did not have it easy once his playing career was over. He modeled hat ware for a while before landing a job in his native Alaska as a geography teacher for Sarah Palin. Word on the street is Palin gets a kick from rubbing Gomez’ head every morning for 
 ’ good luck’ ! Mr. Gomez did get in a little trouble before he left the organization and was escorted out of the Bell Center for throwing pucks at Bob Gainey and yelling …” You ruined my career you defensive -minded snot …!” 
 
Brian Gionta
 
The little American eased into his new position as an adviser for Brendan Gallagher – the Habs’s hot prospect. Brian spent a good three months helping Brendan shop for items that will help Gallagher in his NHL career. Items such as Dr. Sholl’s five inch skate inserts and  a book written by Yvon Cournyoyer titled ‘ How to survive in a land of giants ‘. Gionta is said to be pleased with his new role …
 
 
Max Pacioretty
 
Max had a very hard time adjusting to his life after hockey. He spent the better part of five years ‘ soul-searching’ in Tibet. Befriended by a little-known monk by the name of Tokyo Joe – Pacioretty found new purpose in his life teaching Joe and the rest of the monks how to play hockey. Max’s ‘ team ‘ went on to win a championship in the National Buddhist League and Pacioretty was honored for introducing padding that wrapped around the religious stanchions. No word if the Molsons are planning a court case …
 
David Desharnais
 
David was quickly recruited for work once he stopped playing. The Parti Quebecoise signed on the tiny frenchman to police the language laws in the NHL. Some of Desharnais’ duties ; making sure Vincent Lecavalier watches two hours of L’Anti-chambre every night, verifying that Gary Bettman manufacturers the proper use of the accent aigu on official documents and giving french lessons to all the Montreal Canadiens’ coaches- past and present. David also has a new video in stores ; ‘ Vive les Canadiens Libre !’
 
Rene Bourque
 
Bourque’s career ended almost as quickly as it started with the Habs. A good -looking dude, Rene caught on very quick as a dancer at Club 281 . He slipped rather eloquently into his new role as Tarzan; King of the Well-Endowed. The only downside to Bourque’s new job ? Getting suspended once a week for elbowing coworkers with bigger penises than him …
 
Stay tuned as we attempt to track down as many ex-Habs we can find …
 
Meanwhile – check out Kevin and the boys at Habs Eye on the Prize , the Hockey Writers and Knuckles Nilan. They will fill you in about STUFF !
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

The Montreal Canadiens will Win the Stanley Cup


If it were that simple – Rejean Houle would be running the show …

It appears to be a new fad.

Bash Geoff Molson, bash Pierre Gauthier and bash the iconic Montreal Canadiens.Why …?

The reality of the situation is that Pierre Gauthier and Bob Gainey before – are and were two GM’ s trying to ice the best team possible. Have they made mistakes ? Bet your bleu, blanc et rouge bottoms they have. Are their misdemeanors more devastating than other teams in Bettman’s league of nations ? Aside from Detroit and maybe San Jose – not really.

The Montreal Canadiens are a symbol of hockey supremacy. They represent all that is supposed to be good in sports and life. They bring people back to a simpler time. A time when hard work, skill and devotion brought the ultimate prize. The players that skated under the banners that multiplied with each passing season gave relief. A reason to live for not just Quebecers yet people from all walks of life. If a wife left a husband or visa versa , there was always the Montreal Canadiens to warm their broken hearts.If a man lost his job and had trouble feeding the kids …there was always the Montreal Canadiens to distract his troubled mind.

If the diminutive Yvon Cournyoyer could not only compete yet shine in a league of giants – there was hope for an otherwise hopeless situation. In a harsh environment, when the -35 temperature stops the car from running …the Montreal Canadiens are there to curse, cheer and decrease the stress. If Maurice Richard could net fifty goals in fifty games – a broken radiator is not that big of a deal. If the famous number 9 could lead his team to victory – time after time , the possibility of becoming a foreman in an assembly plant seems real.These scenarios are not far-fetched or even sporadic.They continued for seventy-five years and set the bar very high for a hockey team.

As the years and hockey seasons progressed – the Canadiens have had to adapt to unfamiliar surroundings. Gone are the days when the team had the rights to French Canadian boys who grew up with Stanley Cup stars in their eyes. Gone are the days when hard working men played every shift as if it were their final one. Players today are not afraid of losing their jobs. If Mike Cammalleri had played in the fifties, sixties or even the seventies – he would have thought twice before voicing his disenchantment. Why ? Not because he would be afraid of losing his post with the greatest hockey franchise. His brain would have stopped his mouth for fear of being blackballed in a sport that used to be filled with integrity and loyalty. A group of men that instilled the proper etiquette. Kids looked up to their behavior and if their deeds were dastardly – an entire generation would learn and grow into the same type of ‘misfits’. Which is indeed what has happened .

A Honourable Trend

Guy Carbonneau was on the golf course after a disappointing exit for the Canadiens. Tired of the omnipresent francophone press and wanting to be Greta Garbo-esque, the former captain desired to be left alone to think his thoughts. Carbonneau was human . When a photographer invaded his personal space – Carbonneau did what most people might do. He flipped the ‘oiseau’. Gave the finger to the soul sucking paparazzi. In any other city or sport – Carbonneau’s actions would have been scolded and that was it. Because it was Montreal and he represented a class organization – Guy was thrown away like an empty case of Molson. Was it the proper thing to do ? Hockey wise no. For the good of young children and what the organization represented – you bet your $250.00 tickets it was. Nothing was bigger than the CH. That was and continues to be the one common denominator of the Montreal Canadiens.

Chris Chelios was not traded to Chicago because he was a bad hockey player. Chelios was dispatched to the windy city because of his off-ice antics. The Habs set the bar high yet it did not mean for their players to get high at the bar. Mike Ribiero was sent away for the same reasons as were Pierre Dagenais and Jose Theodore. Carbonneau ( not quite bright) was allegedly dispatched once again as coach from the team because of his off-ice philandering with the likes of Komasarek,Higgins and O’Byrne to name a few. It does not matter how big you are – the history and public images of the team are much bigger.

Some would say this is hypercritical. After all, the highest scoring point getter in franchise history – Guy Lafleur, was a noted partier. Some would say it is hypocritical because the Canadiens , as most corporate entities , are psychopathic in their business transactions. The entire basement of the Bell Center is reportedly filled with centennial souvenirs that were over estimated in the team’s attempt to rake in the mighty dollar. Want a commemorative Jean Beliveau diaper for your small child ? Le Centre Bell is the place to go. Ask the proper questions and you may just get one cheap. Yet can you blame an organization that wants to accumulate enough money to compete in a league of millionaires. The Habs have been penalized by the high tax dollar in the city, the province and the country. Instead of a thank you note from the city of Montreal for bringing tourists and notoriety to the city – the team instead having to pay enormous sums of money so the crooks in city hall can bring their son-in-laws to the game. Now that’s hypocritical.

In these days of salary cap madness , me-generation players and endless distractions, the Montreal Canadiens try very hard to hold the flame high in a world that is getting nuttier by the day. The people who bash the Canadiens beyond the everyday criticism of daily transactions and questionable moves are hurting. A Boston Bruin fan , a Winnipeg Jet fan or an office worker in Japan who follows hockey on his laptop are in pain.

No one wants to see a symbol of greatness suffer. The world mourns when Superman has been weakened. A collective gasp echoes through an audience of movie patrons if the Joker has Batman down for the count and seemingly ‘dead’. There are those who sincerely hate these Superheroes as there are Montreal Canadien haters. One thing that remains constant – the villains come and go yet Superman and Batman live to fight another day.

In the first round of the 1992 -93 playoffs , the Canadiens were down 2 -0 to the Quebec Nordiques. The situation seemed as hopeless as it does now. It was not just Patrick Roy, John Leclair and Eric Desjardins who won the organizations 24th Stanley Cup. It was the energy that accumulated throughout the hockey world as ‘everyone’ cheered for ‘Rocky’ to get up.

When there are that many people sending karma into the air – it is hard to keep a hero down.

It is … that simple !

————————————————————————————————-

Hockey Writers, Habs Eye on the Prize and Knuckles

C

%d bloggers like this: